March 9th, 2023
The Hwatyl
Perhaps you’ve tried gardening again and again, and have found yourself with more of a black thumb than a green one. If you are someone capable of killing even succulents and cacti, then perhaps you should try a Hwatyl plant (pronounced huh-wah-tull). This native New Zealand legume is known for two major reasons: its insanely high survivability in most conditions, and its delicious fruit-bearing pods. Both make it a stand-out choice for those desperate to be good at gardening for just once in their lives.One of the simple joys of this plant is that regardless of when it’s planted, it will go through the exact same growing process. Whenever you plant it, it will be done growing within 45~50 days nearly every single time. Middle of winter? Last day of summer? G’ma’s 89th birthday bash? No matter what, about seven weeks later and the Hwatyl will be ready to harvest. The trick about the Hwatyl is that it’s an undergrowth plant and as such does not require direct sunlight. It doesn’t require much water at all, on top of its roots being capable of high amounts of water retention. It does so to such a degree that you can get away with putting all seven weeks’ worth of water in immediately and not once needing to touch it again.During its growth period, there is almost no need to interject. Due to millennia of evolution, the Hwatyl can do much to fend for itself. Scientists tout it as being one of the smartest plants in the world, in terms of self-preservation at the very least. Try as you might, the Hwatyl will probably kill you before you kill it. Don’t worry, that’s just a joke!Now, you are probably wondering about those pods we discussed earlier, and rightfully so! They are to die for. During the growing period, the pods will make themselves visible right away. You will know when they are harvestable because they start drooping about a foot lower. Actually harvesting the plant is as easy as grabbing and plucking, as it practically falls off the branch when you touch it. Be careful though, because if the fruit remains unharvested the plant will continue to grow indefinitely. After a few days of the drooping pod, the plant starts growing to protect it, and will not stop growing until the pod is removed. This cannot happen, as once the plant has the pod fully covered there is no way, other than fire and explosions, to eradicate the Hwatyl. Even then, more drastic measures see limited results if the Hwatyl was given too long togrow. Don’t get discouraged because of one little disastrous consequence of negligence, the rest of the plant is so easy to care for most owners would never let all that happen. Anyone who has tasted the fruit even once will know just how indescribably delicious it is, and they will make sure to harvest and eat the pod almost immediately. All of these elements and aspects come together to make a wonderful plant that anyone at any gardening level can enjoy.Before your purchase of the mighty Hwatyl, you must recite “The Hwatyl Owner’s Oath”:
(For more info, visit the official New Zealand website hwatyl.nz.)