Category: Uncategorized

You’ve reached the place where all the bad, but oh-so-satisfying entertainment exists. Here, in the Trash Vortex, we provide you with only the trashiest, most bingeworthy recommendations. It’s a dark hole you won’t escape!

“We Have that Movie at Home”: The Worst of the Worst

When pressed about what to include in this particular issue, I was lost. Is it simply enough to include straight-up trash? Should we include movies that are actually … good? Heaven forbid. What’s more interesting are the films that afterward, the biggest April Fools’ prank was bothering to see them at all. The difference between our usual Trash Vortex picks and these films is the difference between fast food, let’s say, and chugging boiling fryer oil or diving headfirst into an ice-cold river—a test of endurance rather than anything potentially enjoyable.

Godzilla: Final Wars (2004)

Recent entries to the Godzilla franchise, like 2023’s Minus Zero, give the impression that it can’t and shouldn’t veer into extravagant, over-the-top blockbuster schlock. This ignores the fact that some 33 Toho movies and the appeal of watching a giant lizard punch another giant lizard do not an introspective movie make. This specifically—the 50th-anniversary film—focuses on celebrating everything the franchise has built up regardless of narrative and emotional whiplash because, dang it, this is for the fans.

It’s about the rubber suits, the hordes of iconic kaiju, and, frankly put, insane storylines involving alien invaders, mutants, Godzilla’s son, and an overabundance of the letter because it’s cool, bro.

The Last Airbender (2010)

The key to a good April Fools’ prank is breaking a set expectation: turn a corner straight into a Saran-wrapped doorway, insert a “Gotcha!” note inside an empty iPhone case, and so on.

Maybe that’s what Nickelodeon was intending when they made this movie.

Live-action adaptations aren’t new, nor is it surprising when they’re bad. It arguably comes with the territory; stilted dialogue and underacting, bad CGI, the works. It’s just that the original show of the same name is such a landmark in children’s entertainment and storytelling that the film’s missteps stick out all the more. Most egregious of these is its whitewashing of the original’s Asian-led cast and comprising the antagonistic Fire Nation of dark-skinned South Asians.

It’s a film that, the more one’s familiar with the original source material, only serves to make the viewer ever angrier—angry with the lack of cultural sensitivity, and angry that potential fans might conflate the film’s quality to the original and never give the show a chance.

The original anime, Avatar: The Last Airbender, is currently on Netflix. This terrible 2010 film is streaming for free on Sling TV, MGM+. and Paramount+ (still too much money). And Netflix came out with a live-action version earlier this year that has excellent reviews and has been renewed for seasons two and three. 

Have you taken one of Prof. Rysavy’s literature classes, and you’re hungry for more details about Jane Austen, Charlotte Bronte, or early 19th-century literature in general? Then get thee to your favorite podcast app and download the Hot and Bothered podcast. In season three, “On Eyre,” hosts Vanessa Zoltan and Lauren Sandler go chapter by chapter through Bronte’s Jane Eyre, ending each episode with an expert scholar who takes them through a particular element or nuance from the book, like madness in the 19th century or the Victorian “science” of phrenology (reading someone’s personality through the bumps on their skull). Season four, “Live from Pemberley,” does the same thing with Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. Each episode is a literary nerd’s delight.

If you’re one of the poor, lost souls who doesn’t read Austen or Bronte (thoughts and prayers), you might enjoy season two, “Twilight in Quarantine,” in which Vanessa is joined by Julia Argy to break down the entire Twilight book series by Stephenie Meyer. And seasons one and five are dedicated to the romance genre: season one doles out advice on writing romance, and season five (currently in progress) features Vanessa with Hannah McGregor talking about a different romantic-comedy film every episode.

—Tracy Fernandez Rysavy, Driftwood Advisor

This is the game commonly referred to as “Pokemon with guns,” the same game that generated a tsunami of attention upon its release. Released into early access on January 19, 2024, “Palworld sold over one million copies in its first eight hours of early access on January 19, 2024, which rose to two million copies within the first 24 hours, three million copies within the first 40 hours, five million copies by day 3, six million by day 4, seven million by day 5, and eight million by day 6. On January 24, 2024, it reached over 2,000,000 concurrent players on Steam” (Pocketpair Inc.). It was an unprecedented event in video game history.

After nearly 50 hours into this monumental game, all I can say about it is “meh.” The world is empty, the crafting and base-building are very basic, and it all requires a tedious amount of grinding. Traversing a barren world to gather materials or level up is not saved by the fact that I’m riding a cartoon dragon. I like the pals, both their variety and utilization within the game, but that enjoyment probably only lasted 30 hours before the gameplay became all about the grind. The experience probably would have been more enjoyable if I was playing with friends, but I don’t think it would save the gameplay. If you haven’t purchased the game already, I recommend waiting until there’s significant progress in development. The game is expected to fully release next year, but I have a feeling it won’t; I suspect they’ll delay full release so they can continue to add to the game now that they have the money to do so from early access sales. Available on Xbox One, Xbox Series X and Series S, and Steam. 

—Gage Wilson, Anime Editor

What’s black and white and red all over? The face of love! It’s a classic tale: You’ve known each other since you were young. He was kind of a runt, but you didn’t let that slow you down. For a while, you were even worried he’d outgrow you, but the only thing that grew was your bond.

Who knew that a little love could make a puppy grow to 25 feet tall? Not your parents, or they’d never have let you bring him home.

Okay, but he’s your best friend! You can’t date your best friend … can you? Fear not. We’re here to help you size him up.

Dependability:
He may not have thumbs, and he’s a little clumsy besides, but he’ll always help you reach those high shelves when you need him. ★★★★☆

Affection:
He’s practically made of the stuff. Being a dog doesn’t hurt. ★★★★★

Cuddlability:
In theory, having a dog the size of a house sounds like a dream come true, but in practice, it makes him a little tough to hug. And don’t even get me started on the shedding. ★★★★☆

Charisma:
All dogs are born with charisma pumping through their veins. It’s their Darwinian strength, like wings on birds or opposable thumbs. The scientific name for dogs is charismus familiaris. ★★★★★

Funness of dates:
I hope you like fetch. Really like fetch. ★★★★☆

Listening/communication skills:
Clifford communicates to great effect with his dog pals. Humans might have a tougher time understanding him, however. ★★★★☆

Regular intelligence:
Listen, he’s trying his best. ★★★☆☆

Coolness:
Actually, this dog is kind of a square. ★★☆☆☆

Overall:.
He’s a little bit boring, but he’s sweet … and he’s so, so loyal. ★★★★☆

Looking for an artist who provides music that is “the best of both worlds,” with good meoldies by a popular TV personality? Look no further than the remarkable Hannah Montana, who has been influencing teens since 2006. Although there are other albums with far more Grammys, Hannah Montana should have won them all.

Popular pop icon Miley Cyrus created the musical project Hannah Montana, and it established her music career when her popularity took off with her role as the central character in the Disney Channel television series Hannah Montana (2006-2011). As Miley Cyrus was only 13 years old when she released this album, her lyrics are authentic, genuine, and relatable to a teenage perspective. I personally received her debut album Hannah Montana (2006) as a birthday present when I was in elementary school, and you bet I learned the lyrics to every song. I highly recommend listening to the top hits from this album to get any party started right, beginning with the track “The Best of Both Worlds.” Anyone would get pumped listening to Hannah’s voice mixed with an intense electric guitar that accompanies this rock ‘n roll track. Not to worry—the many moods included in Hannah Montana are also perfect for any vibrant teenager to relate to. Following the jam-worthy track, “Pumpin’ Up The Party,” the album switches from the initial party mood to courageous-girl-vs.-the-world vibes.

The second half features messages that enforce Hannah’s portrayal as a role model that encourages any listener to take chances, face self-doubt, and stand to be brave against anyone who tells you that you are incapable of facing your fears. “This Is The Life” is the final track, and it is hopeful and inspiring; the following lyrics show just that: “Take the world, Shakin’, stirrin’, That’s what I’ve goin’ on, I throw my cares up in the air, And I don’t think they’re comin’ down.” Hannah’s message shows that with self-determination and maintaining a fierce attitude to rise above the haters, it is worth it to step outside of your comfort zone to be the best and strongest version of yourself.

Even 18 years later, when I scroll on my iPhone instead of my iPod Touch in search of music to get me out of a funky mood, I can always rely on Hannah Montana’s bold album to have me dancin’ in no time. Listen to one of Miley Cyrus’ best albums, Hannah Montana (2006), as it successfully blends the influences of rock ‘n roll, pop, and country genres from the early 2000s.

—Kayu Brooks, Music Editor

While Ghost Stories was originally a show adapting Japanese folklore into a format for young teens, the English dub allowed wild ad-libbing from the cast. It was the early 2000s, and South Park’s dark and politically incorrect humor was generating a cultural wave. It’s fair to assume South Park is largely what inspired the voice actors of Ghost Stories. The dialogue of Ghost Stories becomes a steady stream of unpredictable verbal chaos. The characters randomly bring up Western politicians and celebrities, and every episode includes crude humor that would never be allowed in a show aimed at a younger audience, but none of this is to the degree of early South Park. This anime is famous for the ad-libbing done by the cast. It isn’t far into the first episode before it becomes apparent that something is odd, but that instance alone does not prepare the audience for the insanity that is to come. It’s crude and dark, too crude and dark to quote. Most of all, it’s amusing. No summary could do justice for this show. If any of this sounds interesting, I recommend watching the first episode, or, at the very least, watching a YouTube video of highlights from the show.

—Gage Wilson, Anime Editor

Love is Blind

Looking to take the next step in your life to find your one true soulmate? Are you ready to settle down and be in a committed, loving, trustworthy relationship with the spouse of your dreams? Take notes from the many single adults who are featured in Love is Blind, as their
methods to navigate the dating world are always successful.

Married couple Vanessa and Nick Lachey are co-hosts of the trending reality television series Love is Blind. This unusual dating show focuses on couples finding their other half, and only 28 days following the engagement, they must decide whether to marry their partner. The most appealing aspect of this show is that the wishful singles talk through “pods,” which are exactly what they sound like, small rooms. The pods are connected so that each prospective couple can hear each other, but they cannot see each other. This process is unique because the couples can only make their judgments on what they verbally share. The main point of this technique is for these participants to get to know each other based on their personalities and who they are on the inside instead of choosing a partner based on physical attraction.

There’s nothing like heightened emotion when dating 15 people at once, making multiple connections with other singles, and feeling the intensity of returning to a lounge with fellow men and women who are also dating the people you’re interested in. As the show progresses, rumors are spread within the lounges that separate the singles by their gender, with updates on their connections. The real drama ensues when a man or woman discovers that their strongest match is shared with someone else from their lounge; it becomes a silent fight to win over that individual.

Watch this enticing reality series to find out which couple makes it to the wedding day and to see the complicated dynamics as you can witness which person is honest with their partner or repeating the same thing to each connection they make. It is a true test of endurance for the sake of love, happiness, and marriage to your one and only. You would think that these individuals would maintain any bit of integrity during this show, but luckily, that is not as valued as making connections as quickly as possible. The latest season was released this month including the juicy reunion that will not disappoint!