February 9, 2024
You’ve reached the place where all the bad, but oh-so-satisfying entertainment exists. Here, in the Trash Vortex, we provide you with only the trashiest, most bingeworthy recommendations. It’s a dark hole you won’t escape!
Movies That Should Talk to the Hand
Iconic 90s rom-com classics like Sleepless in Seattle (1993) and The Wedding Singer (1998) and their leading couples continually defy the odds—namely that nothing should get unceremoniously dumped faster than what’s considered “romantic” some ten years ago. At least these discounted leftovers from Valentine’s Day have something to offer.
Cool as Ice (1991)
It’s said that one’s rom-com is another’s psychological horror. Vanilla Ice’s debut on the silver screen is one such movie. Our “hero” wins over an uptight honor student with the power of freestyle rapping and being “hip with the kids” (whatever that means). As evident from that plot description, this film audaciously lacks self-awareness. Whatever possible offense to take from Cool as Ice’s haphazard attempts to impress teens are lost with how absurd it gets, witness protection subplot and all. Available on Amazon Prime.
Simply Irresistible (1999)
A chance encounter with an omnipresent benefactor gives a struggling chef the power to cook her feelings into whatever she makes. This movie features flat acting, flatter characters, and attempts at humor that read more as unintentional cringe comedy than human interaction. Don’t let the fancy Jewel Kilcher-flavored music standard for the late nineties fool you—this movie is as cookie-cutter as it comes. Available free on PLEX.
—Sasha Bouyear, Trash Vortex Editor
Never Been Kissed (1999)
If you’re in the mood for a ’90s rom-com starring Drew Barrymore, do yourself a favor and watch The Wedding Singer. But if you wouldn’t mind an unintentionally hilarious hate-watch, Never Been Kissed is here to fulfill your every snarky wish. Barrymore plays Josie Geller, who was so unpopular in high school that she was known to her classmates as Josie Grossie. So when adult Josie the journalist is assigned an undercover story that requires her to pose as a high-school student, she jumps at the chance for a do-over. With the help of her brother Rob (David Arquette), who formerly ran with the popular jocks in his teens, Josie manages to overcome her innate awkwardness and get a taste of life in the in-crowd. She also develops a schoolgirl crush on her teacher Mr. Coulson (Michael Vartan). And, putting the “gross” in Josie Grossie, Coulson returns her feelings, even though HE THINKS SHE’S A STUDENT. The #MeToo ick factor is too intense to get lost in the romance, but it’s great for indulging in a group cringe with your friends. Available on Starz.
—Tracy Fernandez Rysavy, Driftwood Advisor