March 9th, 2023
Back in Time
You’ve reached the place where all the bad, but oh-so-satisfying entertainment exists. Here, in the Trash Vortex, we provide you with only the trashiest, most bingeworthy recommendations. It’s a dark hole you won’t escape!
This week, let the Trash Vortex take you back through time as we reexplore some of our childhood favorites.
Wolfblood
Something about teen-dramas always keeps me hooked, and this one is no exception. This show puts a fun and unique twist on the concept of werewolves. Wolfblood is about a teenage girl named Maddy who has a deep secret that no one else can know about—this secret, of course, being that she is a “wolfblood.” Unlike werewolves, wolfbloods don’t turn into a humanoid wolf monster; instead they transform into normal wolves. Maddy and her family have to keep this power a secret as normal people see them as monsters. Out of the blue, an inexperienced wolfblood starts attending Maddy’s school, and now she has to teach him how to keep the secret and to stay out of trouble. Each episode, the two have to find ways to keep everyone from finding out what they are, on top of trying to hide their wolfy urges. Wolfblood seems to scratch that inner itch of mine that wants to be free and run in the wild. The show is meant for a younger audience, but that doesn’t keep it from being entertaining; it just makes it easier to digest. The graphics might be old and cheesy, but that just adds to the charm of it. I highly recommend people check it out if fantasy teen-drama is something that one either enjoys or wants to start getting into. Free to watch on YouTube.
—Emma Krueger
Voltron: Defender of the Universe: In 1984, World Events Productions released the first episode of an anime-ish cartoon—a mashup of two series by Japan’s Toei Entertainment—that would take America’s permed mullets by storm. The premise of Voltron: Defender of the Universe was fresh and fun: Five space explorers are sent from Earth to the planet Arus to bring back Voltron, a mighty robot that, as the legend went, had once brought peace to the galaxy. With a new threat looming from a villain named King Zarkon, the Earth explorers know that Voltron may be the galaxy’s last hope. The men (sigh) find Princess Allura and her mentor Coran are the last of Arus’s people, and fortunately, the two are just waiting for five space explorers to drop down out of the sky. Because as luck would have it, they do know where Voltron is—underneath Allura’s own castle, broken up into five robot lions that can join together to form Voltron. The explorers all happen to be men, and for some ungodly reason, Allura hands over the lion keys to all five without wanting to pilot one herself. Never mind that as the daughter of the Voltron force’s last captain, Allura knows more than any of them about how to make the lions roar. Fortunately, explorer Sven has the good sense to get injured and sent to a space hospital in episode four, so my girl Allura could don her pink space suit and join the darn force as she was OBVIOUSLY BORN TO DO. Sounds great, right? It was, until it settled into a rhythm that went something like this: King Zarkon’s forces send a robot beast (or “robeast”) to or near Arus. The robeast wreaks havoc until the lion force arrives. The lion force gets their backsides kicked. Black-lion pilot Keith, the force’s new captain (which should have been Allura, but WHATEVER), finally gets the bright idea that, “Hey! We should form Voltron!” They do so and defeat the robeast. Rinse and repeat. Most episodes are a beat-by-beat riff on this same plot. Did my brother Tom and I watch every one? Yes, we did. Did we ever get tired of it? No, we did not.
You can rent or buy the magic that is the original Voltron on Amazon and other streaming sites, but they do cycle through Netflix and Hulu from time to time (though not at present, sadly). If you want an actual plot that isn’t 72 episodes of the same exact thing, Netflix’s 2016 revival, Voltron: Legendary Defender, combines the fab premise with actual good writing. Sadly, they did Princess Allura dirty at the end, so stop watching before the series finale (spoiler alert!) if you don’t want to see yet another woman of color sacrifice herself for her male, non-Black counterparts.
—Tracy Fernandez Rysavy, Driftwood Advisor