May 19, 2025 (Summer)
Fantasy Fight Club: Stanley Pines vs. Dr. Doofenschmirtz
Welcome back to Fictional Fight Club, where fictional characters FIGHT TO THE DEATH!
When looking back on my favorite childhood TV shows, two come to mind right away. One thing I never noticed they had in common was that the old, middle-aged man was the best character. On one side, we have a professional con man in the middle of nowhere, Oregon, where he runs a tourist trap while taking care of his visiting niece and nephew. The other side features a pharmacist trying to take over the “Tri-State Area,” only to be foiled by a semi-aquatic, egg-laying mammal. Give it up for Stanley Pines from Gravity Falls, and Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz from Phineas and Ferb!
Starting off with Stan, he’s been swinging straight out the gate. Growing up in New Jersey, he has spent most of his life scamming people and fighting whoever got in his way. As he got older, his fury grew stronger. Now taking care of twins Dipper and Mabel Pines for the summer, he is sharing his wisdom about the world to help them scrape their way through life.
Doofenshmirtz has had a rough background. Originally from Drusselstein, he has been neglected by his family and overshadowed by his older brother Rodger. Once he made it to the Tri-State Area, he was destined to take over for various reasons. The only reason he hasn’t done anything significant is because of his archnemesis, Perry the Platypus.
The two of them dash into battle, but in very different ways. While Stan would rather fight hand to hand, Doof uses his “inators” (inventions) for combat. Dodging lasers, all Stan needs to do is deliver one swift look hook, and Doof is done. The problem is that Doof is lean, meaning he can move faster than many other people.
While being chased by Stan, Doof fires a laser from the Get Rich Quick Inator, directly hitting Stan. He was presented with a variety of scams, taking every single one of them at face value. Doof approached him, ready to deliver the final blow, but was stopped in his tracks. Stan offered him a deal. Let him win, and then Stan will scam Rodger out of everything he owns. Before thinking twice about it, Doof agrees. He takes the hit, and Stan is off to take all of Rodger’s money.
Even though this didn’t have a climactic final battle, I like to think that Stan and Doof would be allies. Stan can sell Doof’s inators in his gift shop, while Doof can entertain Stan’s niece and nephew for a while. I bet Doof would rock a Mabel sweater!
That’s a wrap on Fictional Fight Club. Tune in next semester to see a new slew of fighters enter the ring.
—Julia Hahn