April 1, 2025
For the romantics among us who like to read reviews before we shop….
Fictional Fiancé: Shrek
He’s big. He’s green. No, he’s not the Hulk, but he is the hunk! Say hello to the ogre who will make all your romance wishes come true! On this lovely first day of April, how will the legendary Shrek score on the dateability rankings? Keep reading to see!
Complexity: ★★★★★
Shrek is one complex and deep character. As he says, “Ogres are like onions… We both have layers.”
Looks: ★★★★★
He has a smile that could light up a room, big brown eyes, and the shiniest forehead. What’s not to love?
Romance: ★★★★★
Do you believe in true love? Well if you don’t, Shrek will surely change that!
Home Ownership: ★★★★★
Shrek owns a beautiful home surrounded by abundant nature. Every time you wake up, you’ll look out the window and see the most wonderful swamp you have ever laid your eyes on.
Heroism: ★★★★★
Shrek is an extraordinary hero who has accomplished amazing feats, as seen in all the Shrek movies. If a princess needs saving, Shrek is the guy for the job.
Availability: ☆☆☆☆☆
Oh, he’s married? With kids?! … That’s unfortunate.
Dateability:★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
Oh, my! It looks like Shrek sent our dateability scores through the roof! He really is the perfect man! It’s too bad Fiona has robbed us of the chance to date him!