The Driftwood #42: Book Bachelor

Mr. Darcy: The original literary dreamboat. You first met him at age 10 when your mother subjected you to the 2005 adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. You were pretty bored, but the dresses were pretty, and you’d had a crush on Keira Knightley since Pirates of the Caribbean.

But this isn’t about her. This is about Mr. Darcy. You don’t remember much about him from this adaptation, but he must have been pretty good, if there are this many dreamy edits of him on Google Images. Either way, he didn’t leave much impression on you until you were forced to read Pride and Prejudice for a lit class.

“Okay,” you thought, “I guess I can see the appeal.” But how much appeal can a 19th century Englishman truly hold for an enlightened, 21st-century bachelorx? How much of a heartthrob can he really be? Let’s see how he holds up after 200+ years.

Dependability:
One of the most dependable men in Regency England. Sure, he can be kind of a jerk, but at least he’s consistent about it. ★★★★★

Affection:
He gets there. Eventually. You’ll have to deal with him thinking he’s better than you for a while, though. ★★★☆☆ 

Cuddlability:
He’s too much of a gentleman to instigate, but in my heart of hearts, I know he’d be down for hugs in the name of love. ★★★★☆

Charisma:
Trick question. His lack of charisma is kind of the point. ★★★☆☆

Funness of dates:
Depends on your definition of “fun.” Stimulating intellectual conversation, anyone? ★★★☆☆

Listening/communication skills:
He starts out rough, but his ability to accept and adapt to criticism is one of his best qualities. ★★★★☆

Intelligence:
Mr. Darcy is an intellectual, for better or for worse. Some might call him pretentious. ★★★★★

Coolness:
Some might say that his being English makes him cool. Others would argue this makes him the opposite. Either way, he’s kind of a square. ★★★☆☆

Overall:
You could do worse, especially in Regency England. ★★★★☆

—Kana Coonce, Bachelor Editor