Month: April 2023

March 9th, 2023

Free DIY Pranks

April Fool’s is fast on its way. We all need to do our part by playing some practical jokes and inflicting temporary but fun suffering on those we hold dear. Here are some quick and cute DIY pranks—no supplies necessary.

• Fool your landlord and don’t pay this month’s rent. They might get this joke year-round, but because it’s April first, it’ll be comical and irresponsible.
• Propose to your significant other. Watch their face morph with love and shock only to immediately question your entire relationship as they try to deduce if you’re serious. Pure comedy!
• Tell your friends and family you’re going to start working on yourself. Prank them hilariously by sitting on your couch all day.
• Run into your coworker’s car in the parking lot, then leave a numberless-note on their windshield… “Sorry for all the damage done to your vehicle. Please call so I can pay for repairs.” Hopefully they laugh so hard they cry.
• Cancel plans at the last minute. There is nothing people find more funny than being let down.
• Tell your spouse you’re picking up your kid from school, then don’t. Abandon your child for the sake of the holiday. A funny memory that will last a lifetime!

If these classics go over poorly, don’t sweat it. Some of us on this earth just aren’t gifted with such a fantastic sense of humor like yours and mine. Happy pranking. 

Disclaimer: All advice is meant to be taken ironically. Our organization accepts no liability for consequences or unfavorable outcomes.

March 9th, 2023

Everyone has that one thing they enjoy more than anything to pass the time. It might be knitting, clothespin art, or even painting. For those of you looking for new or more challenging hobbies, we’ve got you covered. Below, we’ve picked out ultimate, step-it-up activities to push your perseverance and boost your creativity.

April Fool’s Solo Cup Holders

Have you ever been to an April Fool’s party? Neither have I, but if you’re hosting then I’ve got you covered with a creative way for guests to remember which glasses are theirs. Solo cups are too expensive to have extras lying around, but naming each one can prevent unnecessary waste. And what better way to enforce the naming rule than to customize your very own Solo cup holder with some funny April Fool’s jokes or tricks?

First, measure how big your cup holder needs to be for cup stacking and pulling ease (think of a box without a lid). Mark the dimensions down on your desired lumber type and thickness, and saw the wood into pieces. and saw it into pieces. It’s recommended to remove any sharp or rough edges with sandpaper before moving forward. On the front board, drill a round hole in the top of the 2×4, just big enough to store a Sharpie marker. Choose a paint color and apply a layer to the pieces, followed by a second layer after the first one dries (the wood may soak in the first layer or you may decide it looks good as it is). Next, stand the pieces up vertically in a square, and nail or glue them together.

For the letters of your name or chosen phrase, you’re welcome to paint them on by hand or to create a stencil that can be printed on a Cricut printer. You can also print out a design on paper and cut it into a stencil for painting using a precision art knife. Many people say something like “You only get one, so mark it up,” but this is the part of the project that you can change up however you see fit. Some personal favorites for the holiday in question include “beer goes here” when you’re only drinking water or “to avoid tears, mark your cup here.” Either way, we’re sure this will make a great prop to liven up your party’s drink table and save on recycling.

Do you think this might be your ultimate April Fool’s hobby? For a visual tutorial, check out this video to get started.

March 9th, 2023

The Hwatyl 

Perhaps you’ve tried gardening again and again, and have found yourself with more of a black thumb than a green one. If you are someone capable of killing even succulents and cacti, then perhaps you should try a Hwatyl plant (pronounced huh-wah-tull). This native New Zealand legume is known for two major reasons: its insanely high survivability in most conditions, and its delicious fruit-bearing pods. Both make it a stand-out choice for those desperate to be good at gardening for just once in their lives.

One of the simple joys of this plant is that regardless of when it’s planted, it will go through the exact same growing process. Whenever you plant it, it will be done growing within 45~50 days nearly every single time. Middle of winter? Last day of summer? G’ma’s 89th birthday bash? No matter what, about seven weeks later and the Hwatyl will be ready to harvest. The trick about the Hwatyl is that it’s an undergrowth plant and as such does not require direct sunlight. It doesn’t require much water at all, on top of its roots being capable of high amounts of water retention. It does so to such a degree that you can get away with putting all seven weeks’ worth of water in immediately and not once needing to touch it again.

During its growth period, there is almost no need to interject. Due to millennia of evolution, the Hwatyl can do much to fend for itself. Scientists tout it as being one of the smartest plants in the world, in terms of self-preservation at the very least. Try as you might, the Hwatyl will probably kill you before you kill it. Don’t worry, that’s just a joke!

Now, you are probably wondering about those pods we discussed earlier, and rightfully so! They are to die for. During the growing period, the pods will make themselves visible right away. You will know when they are harvestable because they start drooping about a foot lower. Actually harvesting the plant is as easy as grabbing and plucking, as it practically falls off the branch when you touch it. Be careful though, because if the fruit remains unharvested the plant will continue to grow indefinitely. After a few days of the drooping pod, the plant starts growing to protect it, and will not stop growing until the pod is removed. This cannot happen, as once the plant has the pod fully covered there is no way, other than fire and explosions, to eradicate the Hwatyl. Even then, more drastic measures see limited results if the Hwatyl was given too long to
grow. Don’t get discouraged because of one little disastrous consequence of negligence, the rest of the plant is so easy to care for most owners would never let all that happen. Anyone who has tasted the fruit even once will know just how indescribably delicious it is, and they will make sure to harvest and eat the pod almost immediately. All of these elements and aspects come together to make a wonderful plant that anyone at any gardening level can enjoy.

Before your purchase of the mighty Hwatyl, you must recite “The Hwatyl Owner’s Oath”:

(For more info, visit the official New Zealand website hwatyl.nz.)

March 9th, 2023

It may feel like the winter weather will never let up, but planting season is just around the corner! And whether you have a green thumb or have never grown a thing in your life, this is the perfect year to gear up your garden with some new gardening know-hows.

An Intervention with Your Plants

Have you attempted a garden year after year with few results? Do you feel out of touch with your green thumb? Were you thinking about throwing in the towel, settling down for a summer indoors to avoid certain heartbreak? Have you tried… an intervention? Well, look no further, because if you follow these quick tips below, you’re guaranteed to finally have that overabundant harvest you’ve always wanted.

1. Always approach your plants calmly. Any sudden movements could send them into a fury or even bring on fatal plant shock syndrome. If you’ve ever had a dog or a deer run past your garden, only to find a tomato or someone else withered away the next morning, this is probably what happened.
2. Treat them with respect. Have you ever wondered how oxygen gets replenished on a regular basis? That’s right, food isn’t the only way they’re keeping you alive, so do them a big favor and be on your best behavior while in their presence. Plants thrive in a mutually respectful environment.
3. Ask your garden buddies how they’re doing. It’s difficult for some plants to open up about their feelings, so give them time. Show them your genuine concern for their well-being, and offer to listen to their problems. Don’t interrupt them, speak over them, or cast judgment onto them. Only offer advice if they ask for it because, well, it’s rude otherwise. Duh.
4. Buy presents. Using the almighty Google Firefox, look up some great species-specific gift ideas, whether that’s a tasty fertilizer supplement, a fancy watering can, or a bag of coffee grounds to ward off the unrelenting backyard ants. Remember, everyone appreciates being rewarded for their good efforts.
5. Bring up your concerns. Let your plants know how deeply you care for them, and that you just want what’s best. Ask them how you can make them feel more comfortable in your backyard and confident in their place as producers. Sometimes, when we remind our garden pals that they’re not alone—there’s actually 8 million blades of grass nearby—and that they’re cared for, they’re able to work through any problems they may have had.

Get On Your Plants’ Good Side Ideas

Did your intervention go terribly wrong? Did you chicken out at the last second and ditch your efforts altogether? Don’t worry. We have a couple more ideas below to get your gardening back on track.

1. The buy-them-new-surroundings idea. There’s nothing better than a new raised bed, a bigger clay pot, a fresh layer of mulch, or a new wall to climb. Gently remind them that a comforting new layout is meant to boost their productivity without acting like a big nag by placing pictures of your neighbors’ successful harvests nearby. This will help them to understand your mutual goals as a gardening household.
2. The sing-them-into-fruition idea. Plants love carbon dioxide and you don’t, so it’s a great place to blow some of your used up air. It’s actually the only benefit of singing to your plant unless you’ve mastered the rain dance or happen to have a corn patch nearby. Even then, corn prefers to listen to secrets, not music. Watch what you say around them. They have many ears.

March 9th, 2023

Lime Rock Bottomless Pit State Park
If you find yourself in the Seymour area and are in the mood for a scenic hike, Lime Rock Bottomless Pit State Park is a must-visit. There is a plethora of beautiful trails, but none more coveted than “Neverending Trail”. This picturesque walk leads you progressively lower and lower, showing off some of Wisconsin’s most beautiful natural forests and formations, all leading to the park’s namesake, the Lime Rock Bottomless Pit. As you draw near, you may feel your stomach sink as you have no choice but to stare directly into the gaping maw of the pit, but don’t worry! This is totally normal! As long as you don’t let the alluring draw of unending darkness engulf you whole, Lime Rock Bottomless Pit State Park provides nothing but breathtaking view after breathtaking view. (Please leave before 11:11 PM, do not bring children, do not take or leave anything, and please, please, PLEASE: Stay. On. The. Trail.)

March 9th, 2023

McDonald’s

Looking for a place to eat with fast service? How about delicious breakfast sandwiches, mesmerizing coffee smells, burgers, fries, and chicken nuggets galore? These incredible McDonald’s restaurants have free Wi-Fi as well as options to order using delivery apps.



Marinette

McDonald’s  (715/732-4840): This location is at 2291 Roosevelt Road in Marinette. There are options to dine in or drive through for your burger and fries essentials. Equipped with a disease-ridden indoor playground, this restaurant is perfect for family dinners. There is a spacious dining area that contains many seating options, including tables and chairs, a corner booth, and long benches. This McDonald’s is near Highway 41 and perfect for a place to stop after sports events because this glamorous restaurant has a nice area for large groups. Stop by to dine in at this location from 5:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m. daily, and a two-lane drive-through available until 12:00 a.m.

Green Bay

McDonald’s (920/429-2026): This McDonald’s is located at 2600 Packerland Drive in Green Bay next to the Austin-Straubel Airport. Although dining inside is not an option, I have visited this location, and the line moves quickly, especially during breakfast time. Another advantage is the patient customer service, which makes curbside pick-up easy. Open from 5:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m. Sunday through Thursday and until 11:00 p.m. on the weekend.

April 1st, 2023

Movies That Should Never Have Won Best Picture

You’ve reached the place where all the bad, but oh-so-satisfying entertainment exists. Here, in the Trash Vortex, we provide you with only the trashiest, most bingeworthy recommendations. It’s a dark hole you won’t escape!

Have you ever considered that sometimes, the Oscars are simply wrong? Well, look no further. The Trash Vortex is here to set the record straight.

Slumdog Millionaire

When a man from India’s slums does a little too well on a game show, he finds himself under suspicion by the police, who believe him to be cheating. The entire premise of this movie hinges on the belief that its audience is gullible enough to believe that someone can win a game show—and through luck alone, at that. Nice try, Danny Boyle. I’m not buying it.

No Country for Old Men

After discovering $2 million dollars at the site of a drug deal gone bad in the desert, a hunter finds himself pursued by a relentless assassin who will stop at nothing to see the money recovered. Meanwhile, the sheriff of a local small town investigates a mysterious rash of deaths in the surrounding area. No Country for Old Men is almost a good movie, except for one very fatal flaw: A guy walks around with a bowl cut like that in 2007, and no one suspects that he’s a murderer? Sorry, but no one is that nonjudgmental. Maybe this movie’s body count would be lower if these people just exercised some common sense.

—Kana Coonce, Trash Vortex Editor

April 1st, 2023

Scariest Films of All Time

Your home for the spooky, the supernatural, and things that just ain’t right.

This week’s collection of spooky films will have you tying the closet door closed with your shoelaces and hiding under the covers.

Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit

Wallace and Gromit are back in their most frightening assignment yet: freeing the town from the tyrannical paw of the were-rabbit eating everyone’s crops. After Wallace and Gromit start a new pest-control service to rid their tiny English town of its rabbit problem before the annual Giant Vegetable Competition, a monstrous were-rabbit—a man who turns into a rabbit beneath the light of the full moon—begins terrorizing the town. Can Wallace and Gromit uncover the identity of the were-rabbit and save the town’s vegetables before it’s too late? This is a truly chilling film for gardeners everywhere. 


Scooby Doo & the Ghoul School

You know how in Scooby Doo, the ghosts and monsters always turn out to be guys in costumes? What if, one time, the ghosts and monsters turned out to be real? And even worse, what if Scrappy Doo was there? When Scooby, Shaggy, and Scrappy are hired as gym teachers at Miss Grimwood’s Finishing School for Girls, they quickly learn that the school is set up to teach the daughters of supernatural beings—a list including Frankenstein’s monster, Count Dracula, the Wolfman, and the Mummy. And that’s not the scariest part! There’s also a witch after the girls, and if Scooby, Shaggy, and Scrappy don’t keep them safe, then their fathers will not be pleased. Scooby Doo & the Ghoul School is a spine-tingling tale for the whole family to enjoy… if they’re brave enough.

—Kana Coonce, Horror Editor

April 1st, 2023

Better Than the Book?!

Better Than the Book?!

Check out these reads that have an “even better” movie version.

City of Bones: The Mortal Instruments
by Cassandra Clare

Clary Fray is your average, everyday, artsy teen girl next door. However, when she witnesses three teenagers commit a murder at a club in New York City, things quickly devolve into hell in a handbasket. Upon returning home, Clary discovers her mother is missing, presumably kidnapped, and she gets attacked by a demonic monster, only to be saved in the nick of time by the three teenagers she encountered. Over the next 24 hours, she is quickly pulled into the world of her saviors, also known as Shadowhunters—or warriors who can see and fight demons—and must try to survive. Will Clary find her mother? Why can she see the demons, even if she isn’t a Shadowhunter? How will she survive in this new world?

This fast-paced young-adult novel is for anyone out there looking to get out of a reading slump, and has definitely earned its title as one of the most well-known and talked about young-adult series out there. Thankfully, this book is also paired with an even juicier movie. If you’re anything like me and take delight in a movie that completely deviates from the book, you should watch it in a heartbeat. As an audience, you’re in for a load of confusing plot holes and bad special effects. Even better is the over-the-top crazy costuming choices that scream 2013. Full of deliciously cliched lines and questionable acting, this movie definitely does every justice for the book it is based off of *wink wink*

Pride, Prejudice, and Zombies
by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith

It is a truth universally acknowledged that there are way too many Pride and Prejudice adaptations in the world. Modern-day authors have set Jane Austen’s best-known work in the dog show world, converted Elizabeth and Darcy into high-school debate-team rivals, and turned Mr. Darcy into a vampire. It’s enough to make a purist’s head explode. 

But if you’re not an Austen purist, you’re in luck. In 2009, Seth Graham-Smith had the rather unique idea to insert a zombie horde into this beloved classic. He kept much of Austen’s original text (the copyright has expired, so tragically, he could legally do so), shoehorning in a sentence here and a paragraph there about zombies to bend the book to his will, making it clear that Mr. Bennet was secretly training the Bennet sisters to fight off zombie attacks while simultaneously throwing themselves in the way of eligible men. 

The result is sometimes clever but mosty painful. But ever hopeful, I did see the film version when it came out in theaters, dragging my kids with me for an illustration of what not to do when confronted with a literary classic. Begrudgingly, I have to admit that the film actually is better than the book. The well-choreographed fight scenes, beautiful costumes, and sparklings performances by Lily James as a sword-swinging Elizabeth Bennet and Lena Headley as a bad@$$ Lady Catherine de Bourgh adequately killed a couple of hours on a chilly afternoon. Sadly, Sam Riley has the dubious distinction of being the dullest Mr. Darcy in the history of Austen adaptations, displaying all the charisma and charm of a toadstool (and not the fun kind that shoot spores when you step on them). At first, I thought director Burr Steers (apparently his real name) had simply put a cravat and tailcoat on a wooden plank, but then I realized Riley was an actual human attempting to actually act as one of the most famous romantic heroes of all time—possibly with an upset stomach.

Normally, I’d recommend the book hands down in place of the movie because, in the words of Elizabeth Bennet’s erstwhile rival Caroline Bingley, “I declare, after all there is no enjoyment like reading! How much sooner one tires of any thing than of a book!” In this case, however, the book edges out the movie by a nose for Worst Way to Spend an Afternoon Without Punching Yourself in the Face. My advice? Watch the film if you don’t mind a tepid romance with your zombies; sprinkle the book with garlic and holy water; and run, don’t walk, to your nearest bookstore to pick up the original P&P. You’re welcome. 

April 1st, 2023

Comedy Podcasts

Sometimes the best podcasts are the ones where a few people just sit around and discuss different aspects of life in fun and interesting ways. 

‘Til Death Do Us Blart

Have you ever wanted to listen to a movie review podcast that only talks about one movie once a year? Well, neither have I until today! ‘Til Death do us Blart is a comedy podcast where the creators of the podcasts My Brother, My Brother and Me and The Worst Idea of All Time come together to talk about the film Paul Blart Mall Cop 2. That’s right, not the first movie but the second one. These men chose to discuss this movie once every year on Thanksgiving, and they all have collectively decided to keep up the tradition for as long as they live. I never expected someone to be able to talk about the same movie over and over again, but the guys somehow make it work. They are a hilarious group of individuals that keep coming up with new things to discuss about each episode even though it’s about the same movie. This podcast never fails to make me smile or laugh out loud. This podcast is definitely one of a kind and deserves a listen.

—Emma Krueger, Podcast Editor

Scamfluencers

Produced by the production company Wondery and hosted by Saachi Koul and Sarah Hagi, Scamfluencers is a strangely interesting podcast about—you guessed it—people pulling enormous scams. Ranging from episodes on big names like Martin Shkreli, Tom Brady, and Todd Chrisley to lesser-known scams by people like Stephane Bourgoin, Koul and Hagi cover it all. They start at the very beginning, completing a profile early on in every episode on the scam artist chosen for that week. They detail their life, and weave an enlightening tale that spirals into an over-the-top scam every time. At some points, you may even find yourself rooting for the scammer, but they always get found out in the end. Koul and Hagi provide fresh eyes to many types of stories from scammers from all walks of life, and they do so with funny commentary and heartfelt earnestness. Scamfluencers can be listened to wherever you find your podcasts, though I personally listen to Koul and Hagi’s many episodes on Apple Podcasts.

—Syd Morgan