The Driftwood

For the romantics among us who like to read reviews before we shop….

The Book Bachelor: Aragorn, Son of Arathorn

Okay, so you didn’t actually get around to reading the Lord of the Rings trilogy until, like, college, but you’ve always liked the movies, right? While Sam and Frodo are off sobbing and stumbling over rocks in Mordor, Aragorn is … well, you guess he’s doing everything else. You didn’t quite follow the trajectory of his journey, but it didn’t really matter, because he looked so cool doing … whatever it was he was doing. Whose army is that again? You couldn’t really hear the dialogue over the plane, and besides, they probably didn’t include the scene where they explain it in the theatrical cut included on your in-flight entertainment, anyway. Doesn’t matter! Aragorn brought a bunch of ghosts, so it’s fine now. Wait, ghosts? Doesn’t matter. It’s cool. Go Aragorn!

Sure, you were always more of a Legolas guy as a kid, but every kid is a Legolas guy. He’s the most effective advertisement for archery lessons ever written. (What level of archery mastery do you need to reach before you get the elf ears…?) As a single and ready to mingle adult, though? Well, muttering cryptically while gazing off into the distance is probably somebody’s thing, right? (Author’s note: Legolas never married. Historians say that he and Gimli, whom he invited along to the Undying Lands, were very good friends.) No, your sensibilities have matured. You need a suitor with personality to match. You need—

The doors bang open. It’s him. The one true king. Aragorn. Wow, was he always this sexy, or are you just jet-lagged?

Dependability:
He disappears for long stretches, leaving his allies to brave the terrors of the realm without him … but he always shows up just in the nick of time. ★★★★☆

Affection:
If his speeches about the power of his bonds and his smoldering gaze are any indicator, he’s got affection in spades. Unfortunately, he takes a little while to open up. ★★★★☆

Cuddlability:
I’ll give him another star when you can tell me the last time he has showered. ★★☆☆☆

Charisma:
Sure, a king is kind of obligated to be charismatic, but Aragorn is physically incapable of delivering a lame speech. Who else could rally a ghost army to fight the forces of darkness? ★★★★★

Funness of dates:
Okay, only being able to communicate in speeches has its drawbacks. If anyone deserves a safe, fated romance, it’s him, but while he’s doing that, I’m gonna be taking a bathroom break. ★★☆☆☆

Listening/communication skills:
Name another man in this series who treats every woman he encounters as an equal. Granted, he only speaks to, like, three women, but I bet there would be more if Aragorn had written Lord of the Rings instead. ★★★★☆

Intelligence:
He knows his stuff, but he’s no Gandalf. ★★★☆☆

Coolness:
Sword? Check. Exiled king? Check. Respecting women? Check. The only thing that could make Aragorn cooler is his own ring of power … not that he’d accept it. ★★★★★

Overall:
If he’s good enough for Arwen to give up her immortality, he’s good enough for me. ★★★★★

Pay It Forward: Pet Rescue

Safe Haven Pet Sanctuary’s mission is to rescue, rehabilitate, and rehome cats and dogs with special needs. This organization is 100% donation-run and accepts pets affected by abuse, neglect, hoarding situations, physical disabilities, and psychological disabilities. Safe Haven needs volunteers for event committees, front desk, cat care, dog care, and cleaning. They are located on North Broadway in Green Bay.

Lucky 7 Dog Rescue is an entirely fostered-based and volunteer-run organization that collaborates with other shelters to help dogs on a local and national level. Their goal is to match each dog’s personality with the best people who can provide them with a forever home. Located on North Broadway in Green Bay, Lucky 7 asks volunteers to fill out the volunteer form. Once the application is accepted, the shelter will list volunteer opportunities on Facebook or through email.

Oconto Area Humane Society is dedicated to protecting, caring for, and sheltering homeless and surrendered pets. Volunteers are needed daily for cleaning cages and kennels, washing food bowls, cleaning visiting rooms, playing with cats/dogs, walking dogs, and bathing/grooming pets. They also need help with building and yard maintenance, fundraising/community events, and transporting animals. They ask that volunteers are available a minimum of once a month, and that OAHS is always represented in a positive manner.

The Menominee Animal Shelter strives to provide humane care and treatment for any animal that needs protection in Marinette and Menominee counties. They shelter and place animals into suitable loving homes, return lost animals to owners, and educate the public on the proper way to care for their pets. The website lists a variety of donation needs.

—Tiffany Jablonowski, Local Favorites Editor

Books About White-Collar Corruption

Blood and Oil
by Bradley Hope and Justin Scheck

“He is the devil and the devil is learning from him,” said a Saudi princess about Mohammed bin Salman after discovering that her husband, Prince Mansour bin Marquin, had been lured into the Ritz Carlton in Riyadh, where he was tortured. The person who ordered this? Mohammed bin Salman. The man had rounded up bin Marquin and other enemies within the House of Saud, tortured them, and took their money, the amount exceeding 100 billion dollars.

Mohammed bin Salman was an unlikely candidate for ruler. He was born into a lower branch of the house of Saud, as his father was nowhere near the top. Hope and Scheck describe how the man who dismembered dissident journalist Jamal Kashoggi started out as a failure who tried to make a name for himself in business to no avail. In fact, the authors paint a comical scene of Salman bin Abdul Aziz, bin Salman’s father, bragging that bin Salman made millions for himself. And two days later, he found out bin Salman was bankrupt and in debt for making a poor investment choice. It was only after he married Sara bint Mashour, a very powerful woman whose father was on the Allegiance council that Mohammed bin Salman got involved in politics.

The book shows how Mohammed bin Salman utilized young Western oligarchs to plant himself in a powerful position. It vividly describes bin Salman’s life as a concerning blend of House of Cards and The Godfather. Furthermore, it dives into wild parties he throws, his paranoia about dissidents, the complex events that lead to Jamal Kashoggi’s death. If anything else, the one message that one could get from this book is that someone can be both the puppet and puppet master.

Kushner Inc.
By Vicky Ward

“We’re talking about a guy who isn’t particularly bright or hard working…. Make no mistake, he married Ivanka Trump and bought the New York Observer for attention. He is basically a sh–head!” This is how Harleen Kholon, Jared Kushner’s longtime business partner, described him.

Vicky Ward, the award-winning journalist who first uncovered the sex trafficking of Jeffrey Epstein, writes about the corruption Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump were allegedly involved in. Ward paints the perfect villain origin story. Jared Kushner, a man who isn’t particularly smart or ambitious, is shoved into being the CEO of Kushner Inc, his family’s real estate company, after his father went to prison for blackmailing his brother-in-law.

Kushner, not really a natural Vanderbilt, drove the business into the ground by making a bad business decision, which left him a billion dollars in debt. Yet Kushner climbed out of this circumstance after becoming an advisor to his father-in-law, Donald Trump, while he was president from 2016-2020. He made money by doing favors for Mohammed bin Salman, helping him become Saudi Arabia’s crown prince by firing Rex Tillerson, the former Secretary of State who did not trust bin Salman. Furthermore, Kushner would threaten to expose even more corrupt lobbyists and politicians doing insider trading unless they gave him some money.
Although Kushner himself is the subject of the book, it’s important on a much deeper level. Ward does an excellent job of uncovering and describing the oligarchs and lobbyists who have a huge say in which federal bills pass and fail. And they did not go away once Trump left office. They were in the West Wing, are in West Wing, and will never leave the West Wing. As one lobbyist said: “The person who is loudest and flashiest is usually the least powerful. Jared was only in the news because he’s a moron. You can do something illegal so long as you do it with subtly, elegance, and bear a decent last name. True wealth and power whispers. If the commonwealth knew more about me and who I am, they would come for my head.”

—Jalaine Olks, Books Editor

Local Cafes with Character

Live Music Review: The Chats

The Chats are a punk band hailing all the way from Queensland, Australia. They have been making waves in the music scene with their electrifying energy. Their raw and unapologetic approach to music has garnered a devoted fan base. With intense vocals, blistering guitar riffs and catchy bass lines, the Chats’ music packs a punch that is hard to ignore.

The Chats are known for their unashamed authenticity. Their lyrics are straightforward, often laced with humor and touching on everyday topics and experiences. The band’s vibe is all about being relatable, and their tracks “Smoko” and “Pub Feed” totally capture that.

What makes the Chats stand out are their infectious live performances. No matter if they’re playing at a grungy bar or headlining a huge music festival, they always bring the same level of energy and excitement to their shows. Their audiences can’t help but to jump around and sing along.

While the Chats may not be making huge new jumps for music, their sheer enthusiasm and undeniable talent make them a force to be reckoned with. In a world where polished pop acts dominate the music world, the Chats remind us of the raw and unfiltered power of rock ‘n’ roll. If you’re looking for music that will ignite your soul and leave you craving more, look no further than the Chats. Give them a listen and experience the unbridled passion they bring to the scene.

If you’d like to keep up to date on where and when the Chats next live performances are, check out their website.

—Ginger Knauer

Matt Damon Movies

Appearing in more than 80 films to date, Matt Damon has made himself a household name by giving amazing performance after amazing performance. He has played roles in movies of all types of genres including drama, action, and children’s films, easily appealing to audiences of all kinds thanks to his impressive range. While it is hard to narrow down my favorites to talk about this week, here are two movies that I believe are definitely worth watching.

The Martian

During a horrible storm on the planet Mars, a crew of astronauts must escape back to Earth. In the struggle back to their ship, Mark Watney (Matt Damon) is struck by flying debris and presumed to be dead. Though they are reluctant to do so, the crew has to leave him and take off for Earth. Surprisingly, Mark survives the storm and has been left stranded on Mars alone with minimal supplies and no way to return home. He is able to contact both the crew he was on the mission with and NASA back on Earth and both groups start developing plans to save Mark. With help contacted and nothing to do but wait, Mark now has to figure out how he will survive as he runs out of food and other necessities. How will he avoid running out of supplies before help comes and will he ever see Earth again? Available on Apple TV, Amazon Prime, Google Play, and Vudu.

Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron

Spirit is an old western-inspired animated movie that is great for a family movie night or, for most of us 2000s kids, something to watch to get some good old nostalgia. The story, which is narrated by Matt Damon, follows a wild stallion whose only goal is to keep his herd safe from danger. One day, he is captured out of the wild by soldiers in the U.S. Army. They take him back to their Army base where many of the soldiers attempt to tame him, but his spirit cannot be broken.

Eventually, he breaks out of the base along with a Native boy named Little Creek who was also being held captive in the base. This escape doesn’t mean freedom for the stallion as he is recaptured by the boy and brought back to his village. Using the help of a mare to teach the wild stallion the ways of domestication, Little Creek tries to tame the horse without success but never gives up. While he tries to tame the stallion, the American settlers keep pushing for new territory, threatening the land that both Little Creek and the stallion call home. Will they escape the U.S. Army, and will the stallion ever find his way back to his herd? Available on Apple TV, Amazon Prime, Google Play, and Vudu.