Author: Ginger Knauer

Rejection. It is a dreaded word to any writer. However, some authors were able to get the last laugh at the foolish publishers who passed on their work. Here are a few classic authors and books that were disregarded before finding success.

Although The Color Purple won both the Pulitzer Prize and the National Book Award for Fiction in 1983, the book was not an easy sell for author Alice Walker. She received several letters of rejection. The Viking Press stated, “We were bothered by your decision to end every sentence with an exclamation point.” In 1982, Walker was published, achieving success and a movie deal … exclamation points and all!

Carrie launched Stephen King’s career, but it was rejected by over 30 publishers. One rejection stated, “We are not interested in science fiction which deals with negative utopias. They do not sell.”  Although it originally didn’t sell well, Carrie sold over a million copies within a year when it was released in paperback.

It would be difficult to find someone who has never heard of or read Animal Farm by Geroge Orwell. It is, after all, still being read in schools today. However, T.S. Eliot, best known for his poetry, rejected the story while working at Faber & Faber, citing the political perspective and the author’s request for a rushed answer as the reasons.

The Sun Also Rises was rejected by Peacock & Peacock with a letter that attacked Ernest Hemingway’s technique and voice. The letter stated, “It’s hard to believe an entire novel’s worth of pages could be filled up with the short, stunted sentences you employ here.” To further drive home the point, the letter later states: “Nice? The river looked nice? I daresay, my young son could do better!”

How I Went Out to Service by Louise May Alcott was also met with harsh rejection from publisher James T. Fields. He stated, “Stick to your teaching, Miss Alcott. You can’t write.” To emphasize his opinion, he submitted a check for her to start a school. After one semester of running the school, she went back to writing. A few years later, her new book Little Women was not only published but an overnight success. She paid Fields back with money from the book’s substantial profits.

Follow the path of these great writers and never give up.

“I love my rejection slips. They show me I try.” — Sylvia Plath

“Only one attitude enabled me to move ahead. That attitude said, ‘Rejection can simply mean redirection.” — Maya Angelou

“Work like hell! I had 122 rejection slips before I sold a story” — F. Scott Fitzgerald

1. 1. 1. Do not open anything dated April 1. Delete all emails without reading them. They will be your colleagues and acquaintances trying to prank you. Nobody works on April Fools’ Day.
      2. Do not answer the phone. People don’t call people anymore, so this must be a prank.
      3. Do not answer your door. Unless they have balloons. You can trust anyone with balloons.
      4. Do not touch anything. Handles, faucets, spoons … they have all been manipulated to mess with you.
      5. Do not believe anything you hear. Assume every human is lying. Except your closest family and friends, they would never prank you.
      6. Do not go into public areas. Avoid leaving home. Pranks can’t happen at home.
      7. Do not believe the news on TV or radio. Fact-check everything online. If it is on the internet, it must be true.

Happy April Fools’, everybody! In the spirit of the holiday, this week’s quiz needed to be something silly. The issue there is that these quizzes are always silly — this one needed something more to up the joke factor. So, why not focus on some iconic jokesters? Apologies in advance to my friends out there with a fear of clowns, but this time around, you’ll find out what type of clown vibes you’re exuding! From rodeo clowns to killer clowns, there’s a surprising number of variations of these guys — which are you? Answer the questions below and tally up your score to find out! 
 
(Don’t worry, I’m not pulling your leg. There really are results at the end of this quiz — pinky swear!) 

1. What’s your zodiac sign?

a.) Water — Pisces, Cancer, Scorpio (+0)
b.) Earth — Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn (+1)
c.) Air — Libra, Aquarius, Gemini (+2)
d.) Fire — Aries, Leo, Sagittarius (+3)

2. How many pets do you have?

a.) Zero (+0)
b.) One (+1)
c.) Two (+2)
d.) Three or more (+3)

3. What do you want for breakfast?

a.) Waffles (+0)
b.) Eggs and bacon (+1)
c.) Breakfast sandwich (+2)
d.) Pancakes (+3)

4. What social media app do you use the most?

a.) TikTok (+0)
b.) Instagram (+1)
c.) Facebook (+2)
d.) Other/None (+3)

5. What are your opinions on the herb cilantro?

a.) It tastes delicious (+0)
b.) It tastes like soap (+1)
c.) It doesn’t taste like soap, but I dislike it anyway (+2)
d.) I’ve never tried it (+3)

6. Which starter Pokémon do you choose?

a.) Bulbasaur (+0)
b.) Squirtle (+1)
c.) Charmander (+2)
d.) What’s a Pokémon? (+3)

7. What kind of phone do you have?

a.) Samsung (+0)
b.) Apple (+1)
c.) Google (+2)
d.) Other/None (+3)

8. What’s your typical pajama combo?

a.)  Shirt + pants (+0)
b.)  Shirt + no pants (+1)
c.)  No shirt + pants (+2)
d.)  No shirt + no pants (+3)

9. Which dessert are you ordering?

a.) Ice cream sundae (+0)
b.) Pie (+1)
c.) Cheesecake (+2)
d.) Chocolate cake (+3)

10. Pick a famous clown!

a.) The Joker (+0)
b.) Krusty the Clown (+1)
c.) Pennywise (+2)
d.) Ronald McDonald (+3)

Add up your points. Your total decides your results!

0-6: The Rodeo Clown

You’re the kind of clown that takes multitasking to the extreme. Somehow, you can pull off entertaining an audience while simultaneously protecting bull riders from getting injured after being bucked off. How do you pull off both of those things at once? You distract the bull, of course — in all your brightly colored and noisy glory! I seriously commend you for your bravery. You have to put up with a lot of B.S. out there … get it?

7-12: The Circus Clown

Ah, the classic clown — truly iconic. You’re pretty much the blueprint of the lovable, quirky klutz trope. Like all clowns, you may be the stuff of some people’s nightmares, but all in all, you’re just a silly character looking to get some laughs. Not to mention the dedication to eco-friendly transportation is admirable — how do you fit so many people in one carpool?

13-18: The Mime

There isn’t much to say about the mime — haha, get it? You move in silence, being one of the most entertaining clown types with just your expert body movement. The ability to tell a story with just one person and zero words makes you truly a master of performing. You also have quite the eye for color schemes with that classic black and white outfit. I must ask, though: will you ever get out of that box? I’m starting to get worried.

19-25: The Killer Clown

Arguably the most beloved clown of cinema, you can strike fear into even those withoutcoulrophobia. This category in itself is quite the umbrella, whether you’re more like The Joker from Batman, Pennywise from IT, or Art from Terrifier is up to you. Are you a spooky, smiling, silent stalker, or does your maniacal laugh send chills down the spines of people walking alone at night? One thing is for sure, this buffoon is out for blood!

During World War II, in the English countryside, in the house of Kirke, through the spare room’s wardrobe, you’ll find the gateway —  entrance to a fantastical, wintery, glistening, snowy-white town called Narnia! Only here will you find mythical creatures living in a season of everlasting winter. When you visit, you will rub elbows with the likes of centaurs and fauns, giant dwarves, witches, lions, beavers, and other talking animals!

Grab your winter coat and head towards the lamppost, the first place you must visit when you arrive in Narnia! Of course, you must know, you might cross paths with Mr. Tumnus here. Use caution as he comes across as a kind faun with what hasa been described as a strange but pleasant face; however, he has been seen palling around with the White Witch, Jadis.

Your next Narnian stop should be to see Mr. Beaver, a most amazing builder of the dams! Mr. and Mrs. Beaver enjoy hosting guests, likely offering up tea and biscuits before giving you a firsthand tour of the dams.

Another interesting place to visit is the Wild Lands of the North. Even though this is where Jadis lives, you should be safe, provided you don’t eat the Turkish Delight! Surrounded by rivers and seas, mountains, high hills, arctic tundra, and a moat, you can take a tour of the castle, House of Harfang, guided by a giant, or, if you prefer, a self-guided tour.

The last stop on our must-see places of Narnia tour must be Aslan’s Country. Aslan (the Turkish word for “lion”) himself will take you on a safari through the country. He will show you the evergreen trees surrounded by kind and curious creatures. He will run with you across the rolling emerald hills or lay with you on a blanket of flowers in a field of lush, thick grass. Together, you can look up into the vibrant blue sky and stare into fluffy white clouds until they transform into the shapes of animals. If you are lucky, he will take you to meet his father, Emperor-Beyond-The-Sea.

Narnia is sure to be a magical addition to your vacation bucket list, with countless places to explore. Your trip to Narnia will be so unbelievable that you’ll need proof you were there!

He’s big. He’s green. No, he’s not the Hulk, but he is the hunk! Say hello to the ogre who will make all your romance wishes come true! On this lovely first day of April, how will the legendary Shrek score on the dateability rankings? Keep reading to see!

Complexity: ★★★★★

Shrek is one complex and deep character. As he says, “Ogres are like onions… We both have layers.”

Looks: ★★★★★

He has a smile that could light up a room, big brown eyes, and the shiniest forehead. What’s not to love?

Romance: ★★★★★

Do you believe in true love? Well if you don’t, Shrek will surely change that!

Home Ownership: ★★★★★

Shrek owns a beautiful home surrounded by abundant nature. Every time you wake up, you’ll look out the window and see the most wonderful swamp you have ever laid your eyes on.

Heroism: ★★★★★

Shrek is an extraordinary hero who has accomplished amazing feats, as seen in all the Shrek movies. If a princess needs saving, Shrek is the guy for the job.

Availability: ☆☆☆☆☆

Oh, he’s married? With kids?! … That’s unfortunate.

Dateability:★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

Oh, my! It looks like Shrek sent our dateability scores through the roof! He really is the perfect man! It’s too bad Fiona has robbed us of the chance to date him!