Author: Tiffany Jablonowski

April 1, 2025

The Most Ridiculous-Looking Throwback NFL Uniforms

The NFL has some of the ugliest and most ridiculous-looking throwback uniforms in all of sports. Yet, teams around the league have still opted to pull them up out of the grave from time to time for their players to wear on occasion as a way of celebrating team history. Our piece this week will look at a couple of the most god-awful-looking uniforms and attempt to answer the question: “How could they look so bad?!”

We’ll kick things off (Ha! See what I did there?!) with the Denver Broncos 1960s throwbacks. Originating as a secondhand purchase from a college team as a way to save money, these uniforms consisted of dark brown helmets and bright yellow jerseys with dark copper lettering and numbering. They also wore that same copper color in their pants and added two yellow stripes along the side. Underneath those pants, players donned copper and yellow striped tights. To complete the uniform, they wore a combination of yellow and copper colored cleats. The entire look, when finished, made players appear as if they’d just had buckets of ketchup and mustard dumped on them by angry fans. They were atrocious and looked nothing like the team colors after they were changed from copper and yellow to orange and blue in 1962.

Another ridiculous throwback uniform comes from the 2010-2012 Pittsburgh Steelers. The design was made to look like what was worn in the team’s 1934 season and was meant to celebrate their 80th season in the league. They featured the team’s all–black helmets with a single yellow stripe running from front to back and the Steelers team logo on just one side. However, that’s where the normalcy stops. Below that, they wore a black and yellow striped jersey with each numerical value of their number placed in a solid white box. This was paired with tan pants, black tights underneath, and black-and-yellow striped socks. The completed look was awful, and made every player look like a bumblebee, whether they were on the field or the sidelines. However, the worst part about it is that you can still occasionally see these bumblebee’s taking the field today!

 —Seth VanEss, Sports Editor

April 1, 2025

Feel-Good Quotes

Self-care is always so serious. Even when you’re trying your hardest to be the best version of yourself, many aspects are harsh and rigorous, making it difficult for people to see the fun side of their journey — especially at the beginning of their adventure.

Here are some funny, feel-good self-care quotes to remember while you’re becoming the best you!

1. 1. 1. “Almost anything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes.” — Anne Lamott
      2. “Trying to be happy by accumulating possession is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. — George Carlin
      3. “My self-love is like WiFi – it keeps me connected to everything good in life.” — Unknown
      4. “Mirror, mirror on the wall, I’ll always get up after I fall. Whether I run, walk, or crawl, I’ll see my goals and achieve them all. —Unknown
      5. “The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it. — Joan Rivers

April 1, 2025

Funny, Feel-Good Quotes

Self-care extends beyond bubble baths and yoga (though those are great, too!). It often involves sharing hearty laughter and appreciating the little quirks that bring joy to our lives. Here are two uplifting and humorous quotes about self-care that perfectly capture the essence of nurturing yourself while keeping things delightful.

The first quote comes from the beloved comedian Lucille Ball: “Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” This insightful quote reminds us that self-love is indeed the cornerstone of success. If you can’t find joy in your own quirks and take care of yourself, how can you embrace everything life has to offer?

Here’s another gem from the Twitterverse: “I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.” This may not be your typical self-care tip, but it provides a wonderfully humorous reminder to savor life’s little joys. Treating yourself to a delicious meal now and then or enjoying that extra slice of pizza can genuinely be a great part of self-care. It’s all about finding that perfect balance!

These quotes beautifully emphasize that self-care is about embracing self-love, enjoying laughter, and treating ourselves to the unique little things that bring us joy — no matter how wonderfully quirky they might be!

—Cheyenne Shull

April 1, 2025

Athlingerie’s Moment

Athlingerie is rapidly emerging as one of the most exciting fashion trends of 2025! It seamlessly combines the functionality of athletic wear with the delicate aesthetics of lingerie. This innovative style is winning hearts everywhere, thanks to its effortless transition from the gym to casual outings, offering a delightful blend of comfort, sensuality, and practicality.

The latest trend combines amazing elements such as lace-trimmed leggings, mesh-panel sports bras, silky bodysuits, and soft, breathable fabrics that elegantly merge support with style. Distinguishing itself from traditional activewear, athlingerie incorporates romantic and feminine touches, making it a charming option that extends beyond just workouts. Numerous brands are enthusiastically adopting this hybrid style, designing pieces that prioritize both comfort in movement and a chic, sophisticated look.

Celebrities and influencers have been instrumental in making athlingerie popular, frequently showcasing their stylish yet comfortable outfits on social media. This trend elegantly mirrors a broader movement toward versatile, multi-functional fashion, emphasizing how consumers seek clothing that effortlessly integrates into various aspects of their lives.

Athlingerie is incredibly adaptable! Whether you’re rocking it with oversized blazers for that chic, high-fashion look or keeping it casual with comfy sneakers, it demonstrates that fashion can seamlessly blend performance and style. As this trend gains traction, you can anticipate more brands adding these fabulous designs to their collections, ensuring athlingerie continues to influence modern fashion in exciting ways!

April 1, 2025

Wandering Wikipedia: Love

This week, I fell in love. I fell hard, and for my best friend. Naturally, I decided to pull up the Wikipedia article for love. It’s an interesting thing, love, defined in so many different ways by so many differing cultures and peoples.

Wikipedia defines love as “a feeling of strong attraction and emotional attachment to a person, animal, or thing.” While this definition is pretty solid in terms of encompassing all that is love, I think we need to go deeper, look closer at what love truly is and has been defined as throughout the ages.

Let us start with some of the most prominent lovers, the ancient Greeks. The ancient Greeks defined six different forms of love. Familial, Friendly, Platonic, Romantic, Self, and Guest love. There is an additional seventh, however, known as Unconditional love.¹ The main three types of love recognized by ancient Greeks, however, were Platonic/Friendly love, Sexual or Romantic desire, and Unconditional/Divine Love.

The next society of ancient lovers were the Chinese. The era of the greatest love and romanticism was the Confucian era. During the Confucian era, a concept known as “Ren” came about. It is defined as the sum of all virtues in a person, such as selflessness and self-cultivation. It was very ahead of its time, as it focused on not only improving one’s self constantly but also creating peaceful relationships with

those that your lover knows. One other interesting note about love in Chinese is that the traditional Mandarin character for love, ‘ài’ (top), has the character for “heart” in the center of it (bottom).

The final society of lovers I bring you today is, of course, the ancient Romans. While they may have been a ruthless society of warriors and conquerors, the Romans were also famous lovers. They had distinct terms for Friendship, Erotic Love, and Familial Attachment. The Romans also had three distinct authors who had three differing views on love. The first was Cicero, who spoke of the human tendency to both love one’s self and seek out another to love. Then there was Lucretius, who was a little more cynical and in denial of love. The final Roman philosopher was Ovid. He acknowledged that love has both ups and downs and accepted that fact. He was the realest of realists.

And that’s all the random knowledge we’ve got for you this week! Tune in next time for the next edition of Wandering Wikipedia!

Footnotes:
1. The greeks also called this type of love “Divine Love.”

April 1, 2025

Meme of the Week: Minions

Remember Facebook? Of course you do! It’s currently the biggest social media platform for every generation. It’s a great family place where your parents can give you a boatload of fun and fresh memes to share around the Internet. One meme has stood the test of time, and it continues to shine through the heap of the ever-changing landscape.

That meme, my friends, is the minion meme.

When the movie Despicable Me hit theaters in 2010, the little yellow guys skyrocketed to fame overnight. Being assistants to their boss, Gru, they became popular through their different personalities and designs. The minions became a way for people, mainly older people, to jump on the meme wagon.

Once you put a minion next to a relatable statement, the likes come rolling in. We have a lot of great zingers from these memes, such as: “They say money talks. Mine just waves goodbye”; “I’ve been hiding from exercise. I’m in the Fitness Protection Program”; and the funniest one of all, “Your father and I are getting a divorce.” All of these amazing phrases are next to emotive minions who really feel for your situation.

So, if you’re stuck on a meme that you want to send your younger, Gen Alpha family member, you should go with a minion meme. They never fail and can bring your family closer together.

April 1, 2025

Fantasy Fight Club: Professor Williams vs. Professor Pankratz

Are you ready to rumble?!

Tonight’s warm-up fight is between two of the sharpest wits on campus: two brains that would win over brawn in any fight.

In the left corner, from the English department, we have Professor Pankratz. He’s spent his years volunteering, teaching, and working for the people. He’s worked in a prison, schools, and all around town. He’s skilled in words and action alike and has a heart of gold. If you have a

paper that needs close attention, or just a simple question, Pankratz is never afraid to help.

Now for his opponent. In the right corner we have Professor Williams of the CGIM department. On top of handling much of the CGIM department, Professor Williams also takes time and teaches for the English department. Having spent much of his time in education, Professor Williams is well-read and sharp as a tack. To add on, he’s also incredibly helpful and will do everything in his power to make sure you understand his class material.

Now, for the conclusion of this fight: Who comes out victorious? Well, you do, of course. Because you’re the student who is lucky enough to have an opportunity to learn from them. Besides, these two are far stronger together than they are against each other, they’re both smart enough to realize that.

Now, let’s get on to tonight’s headliner!

April 1, 2025

Fantasy Fight Club: Prof. Belanger vs. Prof. Rysavy

Welcome back to a special edition of Fictional Fight Club! Instead of fictional characters, we are stepping into reality with two English professors duking it out. I have caught wind that Dr. Paul Belanger and Professor Tracy Fernandez Rysavy have been beefing for millions of years, so I’ve decided to put them in the ring to battle it out.

For some introductions, Dr. Paul Belanger teaches a variety of professional writing classes, as well as Intro to Creative Writing. Outside the classroom, he is the faculty advisor for UWGB’s chapter of Sigma Tau Delta, an international English Honors Society.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the ring, we have Professor Tracy Fernandez Rysavy. She teaches  multiethnic literature, creative writing, and Women’s, Gender, & Sexuality Studies. But that’s not all, because she also is the head of the Northern Lights Literary & Arts Journal, as well as the bi-weekly English newsletter The Quill. To top it off, she is the faculty advisor for the up-and-coming K-Pop Club.

Both sides have a lot on the line, but they are ready to fight. They clash in the ring— punches and kicks galore. The students witnessing the fight from the third floor of the library called it a close battle. Some would say it’s a bloodbath. I managed to get to each fighter’s corners during a timeout to ask their honest opinions about each other.

I got to Prof. Rysavy first, and she ripped into Dr. Belanger, saying: “Professor Belanger is a very gifted educator with a huge personality! He’s a delight, and I’m very glad to work with him.”

Oh, my goodness gracious! How does someone say something like that? He has a family, for Pete’s sake. To think that Prof. Rysavy would stoop that low.

I raced to the other side to get Dr. Belanger’s rebuttal, and it did not disappoint. When talking about Prof. Rysavy, he says: “Dr. Rysavy is as genuine as a handwritten letter and as constant as a well-loved book. Though her passion speaks in midnight poetry, her patience has been honed through deep revision — not only of the stories we write, but of the world itself. Writing makes things real, and literature changes us. Rain or shine, Rysavy ensures we get the message.”

I can’t even fathom how he could even say that about her. I get that they don’t like each other, but I wouldn’t even say that to my worst enemy.

Both comments were received, and they continued their fight for many days. In the end, both of them collapsed from sheer exhaustion, so I guess this battle is a tie. Hopefully, they can leave this hatred behind and work together to help liven up the Writing and English Department of UWGB.

—Julia Hahn

April 1, 2025

The Best Dungeons & Dragons Character Build

Are you interested in coming to the table and being the strongest player? Do you want to smite your enemies to smithereens, roll high in every single stat, and end combat in one turn? Well, have I got the build for you! This amazing character build will be at level 1, since we all know that level 1 is the best and highest level. If you follow these simple steps, you’ll have the most amazing, most powerful D&D character ever!

First, you’ll want to pick your class; there are a lot of great classes in D&D, but in this case, we’ll want the tankiest class possible for the purposes of our build. We’ll pick the class with the best health ever: wizard! As a wizard, you’ll take hits like they’re nothing!

Now that you’re a wizard, you’ll want to pick some special things up. You might be asked to pick some skill proficiencies for being a wizard; the options are things like arcana, investigation, etc. To be honest, none of those are good enough. Just skip that part and say that you have no proficiencies; they do more harm than good anyways. The exciting part is picking out your spells! Spells are an integral part of wizard gameplay, so follow this list for the best spells to pick!

Cantrips:

• • • True Strike: This amazing cantrip is the best cantrip in the entire game; you HAVE to take this cantrip!
    • Prestidigitation: This cantrip can literally do anything you want. Take this spell and tell your DM that you want to make the entire enemy camp explode in flames; it will work 10/10 guarantee!
    • Friends: Wow, this cantrip is amazing. A whole minute of advantage of charisma checks is unbelievable. Sure, the person you cast the spell on will get angry after that one minute, and it’s prone to frequent failure, but who cares! That ENTIRE minute is so valuable!

Spells:

• • • Skywrite: This spell allows you to write up to 10 words in the sky! The best part of this spell is that if there is even a small gust of wind in the air, the writing goes away!
    • Gift of Alacrity: Make sure to always use this spell AFTER initiative rolls.
    • Distort Value: Use this spell to make your items always appear less valuable! Say goodbye to fashion!
    • Tenser’s Floating Disk: Use this spell so that your teammates don’t have to walk to places! Unfortunately, the disk only moves if you move, so you’ll have to do all the walking while your friends get to sit or stand on the disk for free transportation.

With all these spells, I’m sure you’ll see how amazing it is to be a wizard; you’ll surely put fear in the hearts of all enemies! Or not! This character build is a complete joke; don’t follow any of my terrible advice! April Fools!

April 1, 2025

DoodleBob and The Hash-Slinging Slasher

Cartoon characters are often portrayed as happy, bubbly, outgoing figures. However, imagine if that portrayal was totally flipped, and they were turned into sadistic killers. The characters we’ll be talking about are “DoodleBob” and the “Hash-Slinging Slasher” from SpongeBob SquarePants. This week, we’ll explore what it’d be like for them to transform into terrifying killers.

“DoodleBob” is already made out to be an antagonist who terrorizes SpongeBob with a magic pencil. However, imagine if he came back to Bikini Bottom as a sadistic killer via a “magic” Etch-A-Sketch found and used by Patrick in an attempt to bring SpongeBob back after a heated argument seemingly ends their friendship. Once back in the world of Bikini Bottom, DoodleBob quickly resorts to his old ways and makes it his life’s mission to get revenge on SpongeBob and Patrick for defeating him the first time. To enact his plan effectively, DoodleBob would begin stalking the pair, then using the original magic pencil, he’d draw figures similar to himself and instruct them to kidnap SpongeBob and Patrick and bring them back to a blank, white room designed by DoodleBob. Once that was complete, DoodleBob would greet them over an intercom system and inform them of their predicament, saying how this is revenge for defeating him. Following this, the room would transform into a series of sadistic games based on their greatest fears that the two would need to navigate on their own. However, with each completed level, the games would become more intense and last until both SpongeBob and Patrick were dead.

The “Hash-Slinging Slasher” is another character who appears as an antagonist in SpongeBob SquarePants. Picture a scenario where he comes back to the Krusty Krab as a killer hell-bent on revenge against everyone there for denying him a job. To carry out his plan effectively, the “Hash-Slinging Slasher” would show up to the restaurant around midnight on his “ghostly” bus. He’d then burst through the doors before going on a stabbing spree with a sharpened version of his spatula, effectively killing all employees and customers inside. Following these murders, the “Hash-Slinging Slasher” would calmly exit the restaurant and call for his “ghostly” bus before fleeing the scene and leaving a bloodied Krusty Krab restaurant in his wake.