March 10, 2022
Season Your D*mn Meats
Picture this scenario for a second: you’re at the humble abode of a person you’ve been seeing for a while, and they make you a meal. It looks quite delicious, so you dig in, only to realize a terrible truth: they didn’t season the meat. If this has yet to happen to you, know that that is a red flag, and you have been warned. Here are some ways I like to season and cook some meats because I would never wish the alternative even on my greatest enemies.Sweet-Kick Chicken
- uncooked/precooked chicken
- honey bbq sauce
- black pepper
- red pepper flakes
Place some honey bbq sauce onto a pan with a medium heat burner, and let it sit with some black pepper and red pepper flakes. After a short while, place the chicken onto the pan, over a stove on medium-high heat, and shake it around so it can cook in the mix of sweetness and spiciness.Sweet Salmon Zest
- tail cut salmon
- honey
- salt
- lemon pepper
- orange
- lemon
Place your cut of salmon, skin down, onto a baking pan sprayed with nonstick cooking spray. Brush a thin layer of honey on top of the salmon, and sprinkle some salt and lemon pepper. Cut your orange and lemon into thin slices, and surround the salmon with them by overlapping them. When that is all ready, place the pan into a 375°F oven for thirty minutes.
—Jake Puestow, Cooking Editor
2 a.m., and up on the rooftop, I hear loud banging. “Who could that be?” is on my family’s mind. My father fetches the rifle with the thought that an intruder is attempting to encroach on our house. As a paranoid redneck, he has the intention to shoot any trespassers without inquiry of their actions. “Be quiet, stay low,” he mutters to me and my mom. He exits into the frigid cold, but the instant he steps his first foot outside, he wails and thrashes. Something red jumps onto my father and crushes him flat onto the cold snow. The contour of this creature is ginormous like that of a gorilla; it chants a haunting melody of incoherent words while devouring my father’s flesh. I duck down under the dining room table and cover my ears while I try to conceal my voice. I am only six; what prowess could I possibly hold to defeat such a defiant beast? My mother is wailing on the kitchen floor holding a knife. Just then, the window next to my mother breaks loudly, shedding sharp shards of glass over the kitchen floor. I close my eyes, but I hear heavy footsteps intruding the house; each footstep sounds like a loud roar of thunder that penetrates the heart. The footsteps stop abruptly when I assume the beast sees my mother. “Oh…uh…ho ho ho ho ho,” it sings. My mother shrieks. Then it is quiet. I open my eyes to see what is happening, but no one is there. My mother is gone. I hear a click to my left; I turn my head in fear to see the shadow of a jack-in-the-box. It begins playing a cold crooked melody for 20 seconds, then Jack pops out and sprays something in my face. I begin experiencing profound malaise and fatigue and, immediately, I pass out. As soon as I regain consciousness, I find myself in a massive flying chariot. The wind is so frigid that my face hurts. I am tied up in ropes and chains, and I see my mom in the chariot, too. She has frozen tears on her cheeks, and she is dressed entirely in white with a wedding veil. I look at my legs only to see that my legs have become shorter, and a green hat falls from my head. “Mom?” My voice has become more high-pitched like a toddler. She shushes me. The beast is holding us hostage and is taking us to an unknown location. It is at that time when I can fully see what the monster is. It is Santa Claus.
Ryan Renolds is known to most as the voice (and face) behind the Marvel superhero Deadpool. An actor who made his box office debut in 2004, in Blade Trinity, Reynolds voiced the Nintendo character Pikachu in the film Detective Pikachu. He has also been in plenty of other comedy and action films. Deadpool, to this day, remains one of his most-loved roles with how he fit it so snugly.
Believe it or not, Professor Roshelle Amundson taught in multiple settings for about ten years, in addition to her teaching practicum, before becoming a college instructor. However, no amount of preparation calmed her nerves. She recalled feeling like an “imposter,” imperfect and afraid of losing credibility with her students for simple mistakes—a common feeling for new teachers. It wouldn’t be until she learned to be transparent and honest with her students about being imperfect that she began to truly feel she was in the right place. In fact, students were able to appreciate her more and open up about their own struggles when she did this, creating safe and encouraging environments for learning.
