Author: fernandt

You’ve reached the place where all the bad, but oh so satisfying, entertainment exists. Here, in the Trash Vortex, we exist to provide you with only the trashiest, most bingeworthy recommendations. It’s a dark hole you won’t escape!

February 25, 2022

’80s Movies

Get ready to dive into a time of perms and easy nostalgia. These ’80s movies will serve all your lighthearted needs!

Pretty in Pink is the kind of teen movie that helped solidify the “Brat Pack” era. For reference, this term was coined by New York Magazine for a group of popular actors who frequently starred in coming-of-age movies in the eighties. This ripple of cinema introduced a golden time of teen movies that were both relatable and aspirational.

Naturally, Pretty in Pink’s plotline is one we’ve seen before. The movie centers around Andie, a working-class high school girl who lives on the wrong side of town. Her mother is not in the picture, and throughout most the movie, Andie takes on the role of responsible adult in the family—her father is unemployed. She works at a record shop, and like most teens, she’s concerned with prom. Andie ends up falling for one of the wealthy kids at her high school. Meanwhile, her best friend Ducky cannot understand how this would happen. He is, after all, out to win Andie’s heart. It’s the classic story of poor kid falls in love with rich kid, and high-school hierarchies make this impossible. Throw in a little unrequited love, and you have a classic, teen rom-com.

It’s maybe not the most profound exploration of classism, but Andie’s sincerity is palpable, and we root for her happiness. Pretty in Pink is a heart warmer, and the cliches work. You’ll know the ending before it’s over, but you’ll love it anyway. It’ll be one journey you won’t regret. Available on Hulu and Amazon Prime.

—Shannon Ribich, Trash Vortex Editor

The Lost Boys: When teen brothers Michael and Sam move to Santa Clara, California, little do they know that it’s the “murder capital of the world.” Michael, at 18, soon disappears into the local night life, so Sam heads to a local comic shop where he meets Edgar and Allen Frog, two brothers with a knack for melodrama. The brothers unceremoniously hand him a comic on vampires and warn him in throaty, Apocalypse Now tones that there’s more to sunny Santa Clara than meets the eye. Sam scoffs at first, but then Michael shows up at home acting very strangely—avoiding sunlight and drinking what looks like blood out of a bottle. Oh, and at one point, he accidentally floats up to the ceiling and can’t get down. Meanwhile, a pack of good-looking if big-mulleted boys led by Kiefer Sutherland’s David stalk menacingly in the shadows. The Frog Brothers soon convince Sam that Michael is likely a half-vampire, and the only way he can be human again is for Sam to join them on a quest to kill the head vampire. Problem is, they’re not quite sure who holds that distinction. Is it David? Or someone else entirely? The film fails the Bechdel test miserably—the lone woman in the cast, Jami Gertz’s Star, is a more ethereal version of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl stereotype whose only purpose seems to be serving as Michael’s damsel-in-distress and saying people’s names with tear-filled eyes. But The Lost Boys also packs edge-of-your-seat suspense with laugh-out-loud one-liners and a terrific ’80s soundtrack. If I can tell my inner feminist to pipe down and let me enjoy this Trash Vortex classic, you can, too. —Available on Netflix. 

—Tracy Fernandez Rysavy, Driftwood advisor

February 25, 2022

Don’t Miss Out! Last-Minute Winter Activities

Trying to make the most out of the Wisconsin winter? Here’s a list of activities to make sure that your winter is the best it can be.

1. Ice Castles in Lake Geneva: Have you ever built an igloo as a child and wished you could experience a real-life ice castle? Well, now you can, this beautiful and frozen structure is handmade by professionals with thousands of icicles and LED lights to give you a truly magical experience. Slides, caves, water fountains, tunnels, and light shows await you at Lake Geneva Ice Castles in Lake Geneva, WI. General admission price is $21 on weekdays and $27 on weekends. Hours are dependent on weather and fluctuate; to purchase a ticket and check opening times, visit their website for more information and updates.
2. Cross-country skiing in Brown County. The parks in Brown County have over 34 miles of groomed trails to ensure a smooth ride. Ski through the Reforestation Camp location (the largest location with 19 miles of lit-up classic and skate trails—or trails just steep enough to keep a steady pace going—and enjoy the beautiful scenery. This is an awesome way to get exercise and have fun with friends. Worried about the cold? No problem, there is not only a warming shelter available but also concessions during weekend hours. Grab your hat and skis for a night of fun. Located at 4418 Reforestation Rd, Suamico, WI 54313 trails open at sunrise – 11 pm daily, while shelters are open weekdays 9 a.m. – 4 .p.m. and weekends 9 a.m. – 5 p.m. If after a while you’re wanting to switch up the pace, consider checking out the other trails Brown County has to offer: Barkhausen Waterfowl Preserve (9 miles of classic trails) and Neshota Park (6 miles of classic and skate trails.) Check out this past Driftwood article for information on free ski rental on the Green Bay campus. And take a look at this article for info on local skiing trails in Marinette County.
3. Copper State Brewing Co.: Need to warm up and refuel after a long day in the cold? Visit Copper State Brewing Co. in Green Bay to warm up by a beautiful fireplace. Winter is never complete until you relax by a nice warm fire, and what better way to do it than eating a great meal with it? Pizza, burgers, sandwiches, soups, and salads are available as well as amazing gourmet coffee. Hours are 6:30 a.m. – 10 p.m. daily. Located at 313 Dousman St, Green Bay.

February 25, 2022

Spring Cleaning for the Mind

Spring is right around the corner, and what better time than now to throw out the mental closet clutter? Few people realize the amount of mental and emotional baggage picked up throughout the year that can actually be spring cleaned. More importantly, why should you, and how can it be done?

Spring cleaning for the mind is all about keeping a happy, healthy, positive outlook on life and, most importantly, yourself. It’s easy to get bogged down with negative experiences, bad habits, and past traumas. It’s important that we review our last year, removing what continues to hurt us and making choices that will lead to positive impacts in our lives, so we can be happy with our outcomes on a normal basis.

How It’s Done:

1. Journal for positivity. If you don’t know how that works, check it out in our last Driftwood issue here. It’s a great tool for improving your emotional well-being.
2. Get new habits. Patient Empowerment Network’s article “10 Tips for Mental Health Spring Cleaning” says we should focus on one area of our life we want to improve first, like eating better or exercising more, and implement the changes in our new daily routine
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3. Realize how you feel around others. Is there someone who makes you upset because they don’t understand your situation? Now’s the chance to take a moment and talk to them. If they can’t learn to treat you with more respect and kindness, consider removing that relationship from your life.
4. Take chances. If you’ve always wanted to try something new or go for a unique opportunity, do it. Those chances won’t always present themselves. Why not learn something new or have some fun while you can? You never know how it’ll turn out.
5. Change your perspective. One more of those 10 tips we mentioned earlier says to take a moment and realize that no one and nothing is perfect, especially our opinions on things we know little about. Take this time to learn about other perspectives and how you can support the growth of others, too, by arming yourself with new knowledge.

February 25, 2022

Bachelor’s Banquet

Not too long ago, Valentine’s Day came around and many single folks may have been feeling a little lonely. It’s not hard to see why thanks to an overinflated holiday that glorifies romance. No matter, for we shall rejoice in our freedoms with a meal featuring the symbol of self-indulgence: the steak.

Bachelor’s Banquet

• Top Round Steak
• 3 to 4 Baby Red Potatoes
• Broccoli
• Salt
• Onion Powder
• Garlic Powder
• Ground Ginger
• Olive Oil

Potatoes—Start by preheating your oven to 440°F. While that’s heating up, chop up your baby reds into thin chunks and place them in a baking pan with aluminum foil and olive oil. Season your potatoes with salt and place them into the oven when ready. You’re going to want to shake them around every 8-10 minutes, three times.

Broccoli—Prepare a pot with water and set to boiling heat so we take our pieces of broccoli, rinse them, and place them into said pot with a metal strainer. Check occasionally after 6-8 minutes to see if they’re ready by poking with a fork; if it goes through with ease, they’re ready.

Steak—Take a large, flat pan to the stove and set to medium-high heat, then season the steak with salt, onion powder, garlic powder, and ground ginger on both sides. Place the steak on the hot pan with some olive oil and let it sit on each side and the edges until you reach your desired degree of doneness.

—Jake Puestow, Cooking Editor

February 25, 2022

Flash Fiction: Cleaning 

Spring is in the air! Well, in a few weeks it will be anyway. Either way, here is a story to get you in the spring spirit!

Spring cleaning was her favorite time of year. There’s nothing like the feeling of flinging open all the windows and inhaling the air, fresh with the scent of new life. She loved the way it washed through her home, removing all traces of dust and decay. The hints of metallic-scented blood still resided in the floorboards, but she was thankful that her house didn’t reek of rotting flesh anymore.

—Serenity Block, Flash Fiction Editor

February 25, 2022

The SCP Foundation

Looking for some creepy short-story madness? An online short-story platform known as the SCP Foundation (Secure, Contain, Protect) has a tantalizing collection of the weird and mysterious from evil Santa Claus to tunnel dwellers, other worlds to everything else that goes bump in the night. To date, the collection, written by numerous authors, has over a thousand parts!

And if the idea of never-before-heard monsters isn’t enough, the stories are written in an immersive way, as though you’re reading a real-life report from a secret facility operating all around the world. Many of them are interconnected, building on previous ideas, but the majority of them can be read as stand-alone pieces. Or if you prefer to listen, there are various Youtubers who specialize in vocalizing these strange tales.

You can find these stories on their website or by checking out this Youtuber here.

Trigger Warning: Depending on your chosen story, it may contain references or depictions of violent death, gore, rape, cannibalism, human sacrifice, and mental-health struggles.

—Grace Kraniak

February 25, 2022

Writing Exercise: Create Your Own Villain

“Mwahahaha, a new villain comes to life! All you mortals are utterly doomed!” This writing activity allows you to create a new super villain to wreak mayhem upon the world. Allow your mind to spread its creativity by inventing a bad guy of your very own.

Some questions to ponder: What is their name? What is their prowess? What are their weaknesses? What led them to choose the path of evil? What is daily life like for them? Do they have an enemy? And what are their intentions? Write a story of your villain’s life and struggles, or if you prefer you may simply write a listicle on their basic information. 

I’ve filled out information on one of my own fictional villains as an example. 

– Villain Name: Walking Shadow (Male)

– Power: He astral projects himself and takes the form of other people’s shadows. His victims are oblivious to the fact that their shadow isn’t really their own. He also is a master in illusion, putting his victims in a trance or possessing their bodies. He slays his victims and steals their spoils.

– Weakness: When he is in his shadow form, darkness is his weakness. Shadows die in the dark, they can only reside in the light.

– Why he is evil: Walking Shadow was profoundly bullied and teased for a condition he could not control. Every day, he received visions that nobody else believed, and sometimes something would take over his body and make him chant in an unknown language.

– Daily Life: His daily life is like everyone else’s, but because of his disability, he has a remote job editing journals. Unlike most villains, he is stealthy in concealing his true self.

—Conner Tuthill

February 25, 2022

My Memories

All of a sudden, like a flock of birds
Do these mem’ries come faster than my words
With my hands shaking as I hold that case –
As I feel a great loss of sense and face
Dust scatters about the room and I lift
What feels like polar weights in constant shift –
At last I open up the chest to find
A stranger now, and she who once was mine

This woman next to me, she cannot be
For she be like the winged angels high
Though we be close with all emotions free
I could not dream she felt the same as I

Her treasures she would share, and mine be hers
We lived as though these Earthly ties were faint
As stars illuminate and clouds disperse
To give us time and show my blessed saint

The verse she wrote to me read like a song
Sincerity she wrote in every word
But now her wings are clipped, my heart is gone
And there’s no song for I can see no bird

I don’t think I should’ve opened that chest
Maybe I should’ve thrown it out by now

—Jake Puestow, Poetry Editor

February 25, 2022

Trash Travels

“Ugh…what a horrible experience I had! I stayed at the worst hotel, the tour guide driver was rude, and I was stranded in the most miserable place on Earth!” Most people have encountered at least one awful, piteous travel story. Maybe a hotel you slept at had bed lice and stained carpets, maybe you stepped foot on a beach only to storm into a pavilion due to inclement weather, maybe you got into a bad fight with someone, or maybe your car broke down and it took two hours until help arrived. Here, you may share your worst travel experience, whether it may be about a bad camping story, a trip to California gone wrong, or a visit to a crummy amusement park, etc. The word limit is between 200 and 500 words. —Conner Tuthill, Travel Editor

Campground Disasters
A pitiful campground worthy of contempt, this trash heap of a bucket of trailers was not worth the stay. T’was the summer of 2021, and my family and I were simply looking for a campground to pass the summer by. I will not reveal the name of the site, but I will, however, tell you that it’s location is north of the town of Gresham, Wisconsin. My family and I anticipated a campground of amusement, peaceful nights, and warmth…but we were wrong. As soon as we entered the campground with our trailer behind us, we saw before us political flags with profane language, garbage and machine parts, and a group of deflated inflatable bouncers, regardless of a beautiful day without rain. The fee was outrageously expensive, and we needed to pay extra to use the inflatables, even though they were deflated. The restaurant at the campground was attached to a massive arcade, which was sensational. The restaurant waiter served us only foods that were deep fried, and I felt sick after eating because it was too greasy. The waiter also seemed to be ignoring us, watching TV instead of refilling our beverages. There was also a “petting zoo” at the campground, but the only opportunity for interacting with animals was a coop with a collection of chickens and ducks that we were not allowed to pet. Is that really a petting zoo? A swimming pond was also a festivity—well, the only festivity, because the inflatables were still not inflated the next day. I hesitated to jump in the water when I noticed it was dyed something blue. Who knows what was in that water? Worst of all, the owner was uncouth and insane. Rumor says she picks fights with newcomer campers. We were scolded for leaving an hour late, and she gave us a huge fee. What a pathetic campground.

—Conner Tuthill, Travel Editor

Ann Arbor Conference
It was the worst time of year to hold a conference in the Mitten. February was throwing a fit, complete with blinding night snowstorms behind plow trucks and a bitter wind for the whole duration of the trip. While Ann Arbor was known for its high-quality universities and hospitals, there wasn’t much to it. Even still, we managed to get lost late at night, trying in vain for our Google maps to update before we missed yet another exit. The actual navigator was asleep, so the driver’s yelling fell on me, baffled over a town I’d never been to in the first place. We made the whole eight- or so hour trip in one shot. What came next was a minimum-comfort hotel paid for by the conference, which appeared run-down and dirty, followed by no breakfast. We searched the town for food, in which the only place to eat that was open on the weekend was Panera Bread. The food was bland and not worth the drive. The conference itself should’ve been a momentous occasion for me, because I was accepting a fiction-writing award that had won at both my community college’s level and the community colleges across the state level. Instead, we had a few good speakers for the morning, in addition to a short ceremony in which my faculty mentor wasn’t able to attend, and my anxiety was at an all-time high. All in all, it would’ve been easier and far less stressful to have the certificate sent in the mail. There went time I could’ve been studying from the comfort of my home with a bed no stranger had slept in, a warm meal, and no reason for the misdirection of angry yelling by family members.

—Grace Kraniak

Storms Overhead
In the summer of 2019, my family and I went camping along the St. Croix River, which forms part of the Wisconsin-Minnesota border. On the first day, my aunt, cousin, dad, and I were driving around the nearest town. The clouds looked heavy with rain, but we could survive a sprinkle. Then, we heard the tornado sirens. We raced back to the campground where the rest of my family had closed the campers’ awnings to protect them from the whipping wind. Since we weren’t staying in a stationary building, we evacuated to the only solid structure nearby: the bathrooms. Crammed into the small, warm bathrooms with other campers, we stood watching the sky grow black and tinged with a harsh green light. Thunder rumbled through the trees, and the air became thick with massive raindrops, which pounded the earth. My heart raced, and I was terrified that we would be left with ruined campers and crushed vehicles: no way home. After about twenty minutes, the sky turned from an angry green, to black, and finally back to grey. The campground grew quiet as the thunder and lightning moved away. We emerged from the bathrooms, my parents’ dogs still shaking in fear of the intense booms that filled the air just minutes before. We were okay. There had been a tornado across the river, I found out later that day. Thankfully no one was hurt and there was minimal damage. I still relive those feeling whenever a thunderstorm passes overhead.

—Serenity Block

Personally Victimized by Memphis, TN
My family decided to take my great aunt to Memphis, Tennessee, for her birthday (she is an Elvis Presley fanatic, so this was her dream come true.) This vacation was for her, so I knew it wouldn’t be fun, but I kept a smile on my face so she could enjoy it. The entire week consisted of the most hot, humid, and miserable weather I had ever experienced, which of course transformed my hair into a lion’s mane and made me sweat more than a football player. That alone was enough to make me salty the whole week, but so many dreadful things happened, that sweating and terrible hair was the highlight. Because the whole trip was centered around icon Elvis Presley, we had planned all our activities to be at his estate and favorite places. While touring his house, word got out that Elvis’ grandson had passed away at 27 years old. Of course, this came as a shock to the staff who had met the family and brought the mood down tremendously. Naturally, the whole city was talking about it, and many were visibly upset. This alone ruined the vibe enough for the whole week, but trust me, it gets worse. To cheer us up, we went to a nice restaurant and ordered food. You guessed it—it was awful. After giving up on trying to turn the day around, we went back to the hotel. Although nothing terrible enough to ruin the entire vacation had happened at this point, it seemed like everything that could go wrong was going wrong. That changed when we went on a ferry ride for dinner. It was a beautiful boat with a live band and a surprisingly good dinner. Things seemed to be looking up for us: we were eating decent food for the first time in a while, everyone was getting along, and the sky was gorgeous. After all the bad things that had happened that night going well was what everyone needed. This, however, lasted about 20 minutes. I got a phone call from a friend and was informed that my boyfriend had taken his ex-girlfriend home that night. Needless to say, this is not what I wanted to hear on an already horrible vacation, especially the one time things were going well. The rest of the vacation was a blur; three more days filled with boring tours and mediocre (at best) food. Even without that phone call and a death that sent the whole city into a depressive episode, that vacation wouldn’t have been fun, but those events were the icing on the cake. I am grateful I was able to go on a trip, but at the end of the day, it was without a doubt the worst vacation of my life, and I will never set foot in Memphis again.

—Sydney Hansen

February 25, 2022

Celebrity Q&A: Roger Craig Smith

Roger Craig Smith, after working as a comic for 5 years, left stand-up comedy to pursue voiceacting full-time in 2005. He is known for many roles through the years in several popular franchises: Chris Redfield and Kyle Crane—characters from popular games—and even Batman and Sonic. He’s also the voice behind Ezio Auditore, his most notable role from the popular Assassin’s Creed II game.

Q: When the team first pitched Assassin’s Creed II to you, what were your thoughts?

A: I truly didn’t know what to think. I was familiar with the first game and very familiar with friends who’d played it and had their opinions, so I wasn’t sure what was in store for the 2nd game. I just went into it trying to provide the best work I could on a daily basis and to deliver for the folks who were nice enough to have given me the shot. That’s usually all I can do to approach any project.

—Source: The Ones Who Came Before

Q: Before voicing Ezio Auditore, had you ever had to speak Italian for a role?

A: “Ha! Nope! Being Scotch-Irish, it’s not something most folks toss my way.”

—Source: The Ones Who Came Before

Q: Why do you think Ezio remains such a popular character after all these years?

A: That’s all the writing and the world Ubisoft created to place him within. The story they gave that character is so deep, complicated and moving. He’s also one of the only characters to have been given so much time to have the story fleshed out. We see him from birth, and, in Embers, we see him through the end of his journey.

—Source: The Ones Who Came Before

Q: Would you ever return to voice Ezio in another project if Ubisoft asked?

A: “Of course.”

—Source: The Ones Who Came Before

Q: What’s it like coming into long-running worlds?

A: It’s a blast and also nerve racking, you gotta make sure what you’re doing is gonna fall in line with what they think is vocal cannon. You’re gonna have critical eyeballs and ears on you.

—Source: The Sound Architect

Q: (As a voice actor), how do you mentally prepare yourself for negative reactions or feedback on your performances?

A: “I don’t know about the preparing part, if I’m trying to commit to an act or line, then I’m thinking someone may like or dislike. Trying to find grace in that moment and not want to go on a curse-laden tirade online to some of the comments they make.”

—Source: The Sound Architect

—Will Kosmal, Celebrity Q&A Editor