DEAR PNK FLMNG,
M TXTNG THS 2 U BCAUS IM IN CLSS SO PLEAS FRGV TH TXT SPEAK. IV BEEN HEARNG A LT ABOUT BDGT CTS LTLY AND R WNDRNG IF WE SHOULD EXPCT NE CHNGS IN TH QLTY OF JOURNLSM AFFRDD 2 US BY TH PNK FLMNG. THRS NTHNG I LV MR THN READNG ABOUT TH FSCNTNG CMNGS AND GNGS IN TH HMN DVLPMNT AND PSYCHLGY DPRTMNTS AND I WOULD BE DVSTTD IF YR FN PBLCTN WR DMNSHD IN NE WY.
SNCRLY,
BRD IN BLGY
[Translation: Dear Pink Flamingo. I'm texting this to you because I'm in class so please forgive the txt speak. I've been hearing a lot about budget cuts lately and am wondering if we should expect any changes in the quality of journalism afforded to us by the Pink Flamingo. There's nothing I love more than reading about the fascinating comings and goings in the Human Development and Psychology departments and I would be devastated if your fine publication were diminished in any way. Sincerely, Bored in Biology]
Dear Bored,
First of all, stop texting in class. I’m certain your professor has noticed (we almost always do) and if he/she hasn’t said something to you about it, it’s because he/she is too busy laughing over the fact that you think you’re getting away with it. Alternatively, he/she has said something to you about it but you didn’t notice because you were texting. It’s probably the latter.
Second, that may have been the first time anyone has ever used the words “QLTY”, “JOURNLSM”, and “PNK FLMNG” in the same sentence (at least without ending that sentence with “LOL”, that is). You’re right to be concerned about the budget cuts. This is a tough time to be in the field of departmental newsletter editing and we’ve had to make some fairly substantial sacrifices. We were just informed by our chief editor that we can no longer afford our chocolate fountain, that our masseuse can only come in three times a week instead of the five we are accustomed to, and that we will have to send our guard puggle to live on our uncle’s farm (at least that’s where I was told he will go to live). We even had to cancel the opening ceremony performance by Lady Gaga at this year’s Pink Flamingo Annual Conference and move the location (see photo below; we love the decor and the low weekly rates, but it’s not ideal for an international conference). We were able to book Ke$ha for entertainment instead, but it’s just not the same, and she’s not happy about the acoustics in the new venue, either.
I’m kidding, of course. Newsletter editing isn’t nearly as glamorous as it’s made out to be by the media, and the vast majority of editors could have made more money doing something different. We chose to edit newsletters because we love the work, and even though it will be impossible to maintain the same level of quality with fewer resources, you can rest assured that we will do everything in our power to bring you the high quality newsletter you deserve.
Sincerely,
The Pink Flamingo
