Top Ten List: The Top 10 Reasons There Will Be No Top Ten List This Month

10. We were instructed by the department chair to get back to job fundamentals: teaching, research, and…I don’t know, we weren’t really listening, but top tens weren’t on the list. 

9. New editor’s contract has a strict no top ten list clause.

8. Our new faculty member, Brett Favre, was going to write it… but then he changed his mind and retired again.

7. We were tired of hearing Letterman whine about how we stole his idea. 

6. The Pink Flamingo Task Force for The Writing of Top Ten Lists and Other Items of Comedic Value (PFTFFTWOTTLAOIOCV, for short) took furlough this week. 

5. Two years worth of student hate mail is finally starting to take its toll on our confidence.

4. We spent all week trying to understand the Packers’ new defense (is it a 3-4 or 4-3?) and ran out of time (hey, at least we didn’t throw four interceptions this week).

3. Budget cuts mean that department newsletter editors are no longer paid per joke. 

2. We settled for a top nine instead.

The Pink Flamingo Mailbox: How Do I Deal with Post-Spring Break Sadness?

As always, we welcome letters from our devoted readers. Here’s a sample of recent bit of mail.

 

Dear Pink Flamingo,

 

Every year, I have problems feeling motivated at school after Spring Break.  I don’t really know what to do.  I am supposed to come back all refreshed from my time away from classes, but it never feels that way.  How am I supposed to get through the final six weeks? 

 

Sincerely,

Apathetic in Appleton  

 

Editors’ Note: At press time there were actually five weeks and four days left in the semester (i.e., 936 hours). 

 

Dear Apathetic,

 

Yes, this is a common problem following spring break. Whether you spent your break on the beaches of Honolulu or behind your desk at your full-time job, chances are you didn’t come back refreshed and ready to go but, rather, you are counting the weeks, days, and hours until this semester is over.

We would love to tell you that there is a complex psychobiological explanation for what you are feeling (e.g., some sort of post-vacation hormone imbalance associated with too much sun or too much sleep) but, chances are, it’s pretty simple…you got a taste of the good life, and now you want some more. I also wish I could give you a simple solution but, alas, there isn’t one. You might try what some veteran professors do. They just continue to go to class and give lectures throughout the week (we’re not sure if they notice the changes in class participation) so they don’t feel let down at the end of “break.” You could try something similar. Get up and go to class each day; raise your hand to ask a question (just don’t hurt yourself by keeping it up in the air too long – and don’t expect anyone to answer); make up an extra term paper assignment and pull an all-nighter to get it done in time; then collapse and enjoy your weekend. You’ll come back from “Spring Break” feeling like you do every Monday morning! Of course, maybe that wasn’t what you had in mind…if not, just put on your happy face, grin and bear it, and wait a mere 935 hours and 55 minutes. I bet you’ll feel much better then!  

Top Ten List: Your Instructors’ Favorite Exam Questions

We know that you’re all feeling a bit stressed in the homestretch of the Spring semester. Papers, exams, group project – the “to-do” list seems endless. The PF is here to help! We’ve compiled a list of instructors’ Top 10 favorite exam questions so you can get a head start of your studying. Enjoy!  

 

10. What is the meaning of life? Answer the question and give 10 specific examples from historical psychology experiments to support your response.

9. What did I say on the third day of the semester about 15 minutes into my lecture? Be specific.

8.  Design a study to test the hypothesis that all psychological phenomena are measureable. Make sure to label and operationally define your independent and dependent variables.

7. Explain what a “phenomenological theory lacking empirical support” is in three words or less.

6. Create a detailed diagram that pictorially depicts the relationship among memory, Freud, and cognitive dissonance.

5. Write an essay that says exactly what I want you to say in perfect grammar without me having to tell you the question.

4. What is human development? You have 2 minutes to provide a complete answer including citations, and you cannot use the words “human” or “development.”

3. How many words were there in Chapter 7 of your textbook? If you can list word 371, you will receive one point of extra credit.

2. Which of the following is the best answer to this multiple-choice question?

a.

b.

c.

a. and b.

a. and b. or c.

a. or b., but not c.

a. and c., but only b. when the test is read with 3-D glasses

c. and b., but not a., except on alternate Tuesdays with a full moon.

 

And…your instructors’ #1 favorite exam question:

 

1. Repeat back every word I’ve said in the last 14 weeks. Make sure there are no spelling errors!

 

Top Ten Reasons We Know Spring Is Coming…Really

Even if it was -5 degrees last week and Jimmy the Groundhog predicted another six weeks of winter, we want you to know that spring is indeed on its way. Thus, here are the top ten reasons we know spring is coming.

10.  History is the best predictor of the future and, as far as we can remember, there was a spring last year.

9.  The temperature has gone up about 35 degrees since last week alone. At that rate, it will be about 240 degrees outside by mid-March.

8. New cases of the flu on campus are down, but new cases of senioritis among the May graduates are up, a sure sign of spring.

7. There’s so much dirt on the snow banks at this point that even though you haven’t seen it in months, you can almost remember what the ground looks like.

6. Your lame newsletter editors have created another Top 10 list about the weather, and that only happens every spring and fall – not in the winter!

5.  Dr. Martin only slipped on the ice three times on his walk in from the parking lot this morning. That is well below his winter average of six times per walk.   

4.  Brett Favre is planning on making his annual decision about retirement in the next couple of weeks.  That only happens in the spring…or summer…or sometimes in the fall…but never in the middle of winter.

3. The crews are hard at work on Highway 172, and you know what they say – there are only two seasons in Wisconsin: winter and road construction. If it’s road construction, then it can’t be winter, right?

2. It feels like the air conditioning has been turned on in the MAC Hall classrooms, so maybe it’s not almost spring…maybe we’re already heading to summer.

And, the #1 reason we know spring is coming…

1.  Spring break is only 768 hours away (not that we’re counting).