Study Break Contest: Can You Identify the Flamingo’s Owner?

Lately, we’ve been hearing the following from a lot of students: “Wow, really great newsletter.  You and your co-authors are obviously skilled writers as well as outstanding teachers and I applaud your brilliance.  But why is it called The Pink Flamingo

Depending on our mood, our responses range anywhere from “if you had really read The Pink Flamingo, you would know where it got its name” to “why shouldn’t we call it The Pink Flamingo?  What do you have against flamingos, huh?”

As many of our faithful readers know, the real reason we call it The Pink Flamingo has to do with the lovely lawn ornaments that have graced the hallway of the MAC Hall C-Wing over the years.  It might be hard to imagine now, as the our flamingo population has dwindled greatly over the last few years, but the C-Wing used to be a lush environment where flamingo lawn ornaments thrived, each dressed in anything from a leather jacket to a Packers jersey.

Of course, times have been tough in the C-Wing and many of the plastic flamingos have passed on (please don’t tell Dr. Gurung.  He thinks they all went to live on his uncle’s farm).  Some remain in the C-Wing but are in a sorry state of disrepair.  We have tried obtaining sustainability grants in order to launch “Operation Flamingo Recovery” but, sadly, those grants tend to go to actual causes with tangible benefits rather than the purchasing and decorating of cheesy lawn ornaments.  Instead of those recovery efforts, we thought we would take a trip down memory lane with a contest, the winner of which will be featured in a future issue of The Pink Flamingo and be treated to a candy bar!  Enter here now! 

The Pink Flamingo Mailbag

DEAR PNK FLMNG,

M TXTNG THS 2 U BCAUS IM IN CLSS SO PLEAS FRGV TH TXT SPEAK. IV BEEN HEARNG A LT ABOUT BDGT CTS LTLY AND R WNDRNG IF WE SHOULD EXPCT NE CHNGS IN TH QLTY OF JOURNLSM AFFRDD 2 US BY TH PNK FLMNG. THRS NTHNG I LV MR THN READNG ABOUT TH FSCNTNG CMNGS AND GNGS IN TH HMN DVLPMNT AND PSYCHLGY DPRTMNTS AND I WOULD BE DVSTTD IF YR FN PBLCTN WR DMNSHD IN NE WY.

SNCRLY,

BRD IN BLGY

[Translation: Dear Pink Flamingo. I'm texting this to you because I'm in class so please forgive the txt speak. I've been hearing a lot about budget cuts lately and am wondering if we should expect any changes in the quality of journalism afforded to us by the Pink Flamingo. There's nothing I love more than reading about the fascinating comings and goings in the Human Development and Psychology departments and I would be devastated if your fine publication were diminished in any way. Sincerely, Bored in Biology]

Dear Bored,

First of all, stop texting in class. I’m certain your professor has noticed (we almost always do) and if he/she hasn’t said something to you about it, it’s because he/she is too busy laughing over the fact that you think you’re getting away with it. Alternatively, he/she has said something to you about it but you didn’t notice because you were texting. It’s probably the latter.

Second, that may have been the first time anyone has ever used the words “QLTY”, “JOURNLSM”, and “PNK FLMNG” in the same sentence (at least without ending that sentence with “LOL”, that is). You’re right to be concerned about the budget cuts. This is a tough time to be in the field of departmental newsletter editing and we’ve had to make some fairly substantial sacrifices. We were just informed by our chief editor that we can no longer afford our chocolate fountain, that our masseuse can only come in three times a week instead of the five we are accustomed to, and that we will have to send our guard puggle to live on our uncle’s farm (at least that’s where I was told he will go to live). We even had to cancel the opening ceremony performance by Lady Gaga at this year’s Pink Flamingo Annual Conference and move the location (see photo below; we love the decor and the low weekly rates, but it’s not ideal for an international conference). We were able to book Ke$ha for entertainment instead, but it’s just not the same, and she’s not happy about the acoustics in the new venue, either.

I’m kidding, of course. Newsletter editing isn’t nearly as glamorous as it’s made out to be by the media, and the vast majority of editors could have made more money doing something different. We chose to edit newsletters because we love the work, and even though it will be impossible to maintain the same level of quality with fewer resources, you can rest assured that we will do everything in our power to bring you the high quality newsletter you deserve.

Sincerely,

 The Pink Flamingo

 

 

 

 

Holiday-Themed Top Ten

We are all about connecting learning to life at UW-Green Bay, so we want to help you make the most of the holiday. We may be just a little late for this year, but if things didn’t go quite as you had planned this February 14th, start planning now for next year. Here are the Top Ten Ways that Behaviorism Can Improve Your Valentine’s Day.

10. That heart-shaped boxes of chocolates will have greater value if you deprive your partner of food for awhile first. 

9. Because they are not observable behaviors, love and happiness are unimportant. Explain to your partner that this is why he or she did not get a gift this year.

8. Token economies have shown great success in all sorts of settings, and there’s no reason they shouldn’t work in relationships. Don’t just give chocolates. Give tokens for positive behaviors that can be traded for chocolates. 

7. If you go out to dinner, try ordering “fixed interval scallops” as a joke. Your partner will be enamored by the clever behaviorism pun.  

6. To increase the speed of your partner’s lip-puckering, try ringing a bell each time you give him or her a kiss.

5.  Not only is saying “I love you” a bit of a cliché, it’s also meaningless in terms of behaviorism. Try saying something like, “Spending time with you has led to a sharp increase in smiling and laughing, as well as a significant decrease in frowning and crying.” Some sort of visual aid (a chart or graph depicting the change) might help drive the point home.  

4. Remember, punishment is the least effective way to change behavior. Try negative reinforcement instead. Make an aversive noise until your partner does what you want him or her to do.

3. Cards, chocolates, and flowers have little value as reinforcement. If you give a gift, make it cash.   

2. Since variable-ratio reinforcement schedules are best, flip a coin to determine if you will give your partner a gift this year. This should increase positive relationship behaviors in him or her.

1. If you actually tried any of these yourself this year, make sure to check out next month’s Top Ten Ways to get a New Partner Now that You’ve Screwed Up Valentine’s Day.

Top Ten Best Facebook Posts from the First Day of Class

We at The Pink Flamingo know that the first day of class is full of excitement, anxiety, frustration, and wonder (at least we HOPE there’s some excitement and wonder).  What better place to capture all those emotions than Facebook.  That’s why we asked The Pink Flamingo IT Specialist to hack into the famed social networking site to bring us the very best status updates from students and faculty members on that first day. 

Don’t worry, the names have been changed to protect your confidentiality.  In fact, if you can tell us what the fake names all have in common, you might just earn yourself a little fortune and glory (by “fortune,” we mean a candy bar of your choosing and by “glory,” we mean that you will be prominently featured in the next issue of The Pink Flamingo; click here to submit your guesses.

10. Donald Grant cannot find a parking place.
9. Tatiana Romanova hopes this is the year she gets a class where there are no tests, no presentations, and little homework.
8. Dr. Rosa Klebb hopes this is the year she has students who want to take tests, do presentations, and do homework.
7. Victor Kronsteen regrets scheduling all his classes for the same day and worries about blowing his food budget on five hour energy drinks.
6. Donald Grant STILL cannot find a parking place.
5. Dr. Zora wonders if her students know that she is far more nervous than they are.
4. Major Boothroyd doesn’t think the laws of physics will allow him to get from Wood Hall to MAC Hall in the time allotted between classes.
3. Donald Grant found a parking place!!!…but missed class.
2. Captain Nash was appalled to learn that his Monday night class will still be in session during Monday night Packer games and plans on contacting Chancellor Harden regarding this atrocity.
1. Kerim Bey wants to know why his professors are making Facebook jokes.  Don’t they know that Facebook hasn’t been cool since they started using it?